Free Shit Friday Winner...

Sunday, August 14, 2011
...of the...wait. I never posted a Free Shit Friday offer. So there's no winner. Sorry about that.

But wait! Maybe WE'RE ALL WINNERS. Because that paragon of virtue, Texas Governor Rick Perry, IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

Yippee. Or something.

Janiece, Janiece, I hear you say. Rick Perry balanced his budget! Surely that's what America needs! Except he did so by accepting all that socialistic stimulus money, the money that he later claimed was grounds for succession. After he raped social and education spending, I mean.

*cough*hypocrite*cough*

But wait! I hear you say. He stimulated jobs in the Texas market with his AMAZING LEADERSHIP. Yeah. Public jobs. Low income jobs. Because evidently what Texas needs is more people feeding at the public trough. Unless it's swelling the ranks of the working poor. Now that's an accomplishment!

*cough*fucking hypocrite*cough*

But, but, I hear you say, Rick Perry REALLY believes in the FREE MARKET. He'll save us from this rampant socialism! Socialism? Socialism? Like farm subsidies, for example? Subsidies that Perry's family took for years? That kind of socialism? As Jon Stewart notes, "socialism" apparently only applies to entitlements that other people want. When you want the goodies, that's just good old fashioned 'Merican values!

*cough*king of the fucking hypocrites*cough*

Free Shit Friday winners, indeed. WE'RE ALL WINNERS, NOW.

11 comments:

vince said...

If being a winner means Perry's running for POTUS, then I think we need to redefine the words "winner" and loser."

Janiece said...

Oh, we're winners, Vince. Winners of "Free Shit."

Warner said...

You have a perverse sense of humor

Janiece said...

Why, thank you, Warner. I resemble that remark.

Eric said...

You can have this free shit back okthxbye.

Megan said...

Yeah, what Eric said.

WendyB_09 said...

Thanks, but no thanks.

Thordr said...

mabey a Bachmann/Perry ticket would be too much for most republicans to stomach and they would loose the centrist vote...

Carol Elaine said...

I'm going to change my registration to Decline to State, then write in Rick Parry.

Eric said...

Oo! Can we nominate Steve Perry for President, instead?

"My fellow Americans: we find ourselves at a stage in this nation's long journey in which it seems we have all gone our separate ways--left and right, Democrat and Republican, people with mullets and those without hair. We have a chain reaction of back talk, and who's cryin' now? All of us. I'm cryin', we're all cryin'. We can see new frontiers but there seems to be no escape, no departure, no evolution in our trial by fire for those of us who were raised on radio.

But I'm here to tell you: don't stop believin'. I come to you with only solutions, and I'm going to keep on runnin' just the same way, any way you want it. I'll be in the line of fire, but I say this to my opponents: you can't tame the lion. Thank you, and God bless America."


--The stump speech writes itself, don't'cha think?

Janiece said...

Why, yes. Yes, it does, Eric. And I can't believe he'd do a worse job than the last Republican Texas Governor.