Internet Chickens - A Sordid Tale

Wednesday, May 16, 2012
So a number of months ago, my good friend Random Michelle introduced me to The Bloggess, an extremely entertaining blogger who has evidently been wildly popular for some time. Obviously I'm BEHIND THE TIMES and NOT HIP. The entry Michelle referred me to was the one which explained the origin of Beyoncé the Giant Metal Chicken, who is now a GENUINE INTERNET PHENOM.

So time went on, and a number of weeks ago I was driving home from the dentist, and I saw it. A GIANT METAL CHICKEN FOR SALE. I had to have it. I turned around and bought not the five foot model, but the three foot model, thinking it would be less intrusive in the backyard and offend the Smart Man less.* I then named it "Mark Anthony" because he was sort of angular and had sharp edges. Plus my chicken was smaller than The Bloggess' model, and in no one's imagination is Mark Anthony bigger than Beyoncé.

But then I thought, what about Michelle? She LOVES Beyoncé the Giant Metal Chicken. Why should she do without? So I logged onto Amazon (is there anything Amazon doesn't sell?), and found Ricky Martin. Yes, in the strange place which passes for my brain, EVERYONE NEEDS A GIANT METAL CHICKEN.

Based on her new Internet Meme, The Adventures of Ricky Martin the Metal Chicken, I'm assuming she liked it.

And now, for the first time in public, here is Mark Anthony the Metal Chicken, ensconced in his chicken run (which he shares with my new lilac). Yes, the fence is actually to keep Boogie from digging up the mulch. Shut up. It is now a chicken run. HOUSING A BUTT-UGLY METAL CHICKEN.

Let me out, Motherfucker.
Life is good.

______________
*"Less" is a relative term. His reaction was, "What the hell did you buy?" Some people have no sense of whimsy.

25 comments:

The Mechanicky Gal said...

My my. Wait until I tell Frank that you got a chicken before me. No need to tell him it's MARK ANTHONY.

Janiece said...

We'll find a suitable name for your chicken. Continuing the R&B singer meme, may I suggest "Marky Mark?"

Janiece said...

Wait! I've changed my mind! You should call him "Frank Sinatra!"

Anne C. said...

I love it. And I love how happy it makes Michelle. It makes my heart feel full. :)

And I'm still wondering how I knew you were going to get a metal chicken for Michelle. Maybe you made an oblique reference to it that I recognized later?

Anne C. said...

OMG, you definitely have to name MG's chicken "Frank Sinatra." That is perfect.

Janiece said...

Anne, perhaps you're right about me telling you about it. Although I prefer the idea that we're experiencing some sort of strange Vulcan Mind Meld. That's a much more interesting explanation, don't you think?

And my heart is full, as well. :-) Sometimes I Do Good.

Carol Elaine said...

Mark Anthony the Metal Chicken is a wonder to behold. My heart grew three sizes just by looking at him.

*swoon*

The Mechanicky Gal said...

But,(and much to Frank's concern) I'm getting a REAL CHICKEN!

The Mechanicky Gal said...

And Frank Sinatra it shall be.

Janiece said...

Are you getting a hen? Because a hen named Frank Sinatra tickles my funnybone.

Random Michelle K said...

You OFTEN do good!

Thank you so much for Ricky Martin the Metal Chicken! I am going to have SO MUCH FUN with this!

Also, I love the idea of a hen named Frank Sinatra. "Come FLY with me! Come FLY! Let's FLY AWAY!"

The Mechanicky Gal said...

I definitely plan on having a hen, or 3. Maybe just 2. Frank is very afeared.

Janiece said...

Frank needs to quit being such a wussy. Chickens aren't really scary.

Random Michelle K said...

I forgot to ask, did you tell The Smart Man, "At least it's not towels!"?

Megan@MondayMorningMusings said...

Bwahahahah! I want one! I totally, utterly, completely WANT ONE TOO.

Will it be really bad manners if I do get one?

Please say it's okay, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase :)

Warner said...

I wonder if my wife would like a metal chicken?

She has an amazing collection of poultry in various materials, including chickens in both wood and rubber and turkeys in reed and brown paper bag, but the only thing metal is a crow.

Janiece said...

Michelle, I didn't, because he hadn't heard of Beyonce. But he's used to me being weird, so it's all good.

Megan and Warner, you should both GO OUT RIGHT NOW AND GET A METAL CHICKEN. Because everyone needs a metal chicken named after a singer.

mom in northern said...

All your chicken needs now is a nice pair of shoes...

mom in northern said...

Your Aunt Kris needs one too...named Johnny Depp...I understand he has a band.

Anne C. said...

Yeah, MG. Tell Mechanicky Guy that I took care of 150 chickens when I was a kid (my mum had an egg business on the side). They're stinky and cruel (I may be a bit biased) but super easy.

And yes, Janiece, now that I think about it, it must have been a Vulcan Mind Meld. ;)

You do good a lot oftener than you think!

cindy said...
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cindy said...
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Janiece said...

*TONG*

cindy said...
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Stacey said...

There's a new store next to Avenue Grill that sells not only metal chickens, but...wait for it...flying metal pigs and flying metal cows! A few different sizes and varieties. They were very cool.