12 Days of New Year's - Being a Better Friend

Thursday, March 17, 2016

One of the things that allowed me to survive the death of my child was the incredible love and support of my family-by-choice. Through the worst days of my life, these people were here, in ways large and small, checking on me, crying with me, and in many cases, being very afraid for me and my ability to recover. Simply put, I would not have survived without them.

So this year, one of my goals is to be a better friend to those who were such good friends to me.

To be clear, I don't think I'm a bad friend. If I was, the amazingly high quality people in my life would have kicked me to the curb many years ago. But I think I could do better.

The last several years have found me living inside my head quite a lot. This is normal for an introvert, I think, but in my case I think it's prevented me from being as mindful as I'd wish when it comes to being "present" for the people I care about. On more than one occasion, I've embarrassed myself by not asking about emerging issues that my friends were facing, or being "out of the loop" when I should have been in the thick of things in terms of providing support and care. I find this very disturbing, because in addition to being extremely grateful for the care I've received and feeling an obligation to reciprocate, I genuinely want to help those I love.

So this year, I will make an effort to be more mindful, more aware, and more present for the people in my life to whom I owe so much, and who gave so generously to me in the worst time of my life. I can never repay them, but I can work to be my best self, and the best friend, I can be.

2 comments:

Anne C. said...

I love you.
You make me want to be a better person.
<3

Stacey said...

<3 that you think about these things. Just for scale, I think we all go through these periods. The important thing is to mark them duly noted, improve and be present moving forward. We all have to give each other the space to be 'not as engaged as usual' knowing that other issues are at play. The process of speaking to each other about this topic without any judgment is key. I think we all have the tendency to get wrapped around our own issues, especially when distance is a factor.

I love you my sistah and am so glad you are part of my posse.