12 Days of New Year's - Learning to Let Go

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

My mind tends to be a very regimented place. I like being on a schedule. I like doing the same things on the same days of the week, every week. I like to measure things, I like to record those measurements, and it gives me comfort to have that data at my disposable.

Oftentimes I don't really DO anything with the data. I just like to have it. And stare at it. And obsess over it.

For example, when I was sick last month with the Sinus Plague, I woke up in the middle of night one night because I couldn't breathe. I really needed to blow my nose, but I hesitated because - wait for it - if I blew my nose in the middle of the night, I wouldn't be able to compare how my head felt the previous morning, and my data wouldn't be gathered in a consistent manner.

I know. It boggles my mind, too, and it's happening inside my own head.

I realize this makes me borderline OCD. Borderline because on the night in question, I was able to laugh at myself and blow my damn nose. But these sorts of things still happen to me often enough that I really want to learn to let things go. I know where this need to control every little thing comes from, and it's going to take a while to work though those issues. But in the meantime, a little behavior modification is in order.

I think that starts with conscious choices. For example, I've stopped wearing my heart rate monitor when I exercise. I can tell when I'm working hard enough, I don't need to stare at a monitor to discover that fact. I've become lackadaisical about logging every step, every calorie. Some days I even deliberately fail to plan dinner the minute I get up! I know - I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

The trick will be ensuring this attention to detail is still retained in my professional life, while simultaneously relaxing in my personal space. Because my borderline OCD serves me well as an engineer, and I don't want to go all hippie-dippie when it comes to my work. Because no one wants to work with a hippie-dippie engineer.

Like Mr. Incredible, I just need to learn how to be more...flexible.




1 comments:

Stacey said...

Not planning dinner until almost dinnertime - INCONCEIVABLE. Get yourself under control right now young lady!!! And the world probably needs a few more hippie-dippie engineers. As the daughter of a very straitlaced one, it might be coming from a place of bias, but whatevs.

I applaud you for wanting to be more flexible.

xo