Don't Be a Douchenozzle

 

Why, yes, Mazda CX-9, Colorado license plate number 025-WVD, parked in the Hickory House parking lot in Parker, Colorado on Tuesday, June 26th at approximately 6:00 p.m. - you are, in fact, a DOUCHENOZZLE.

Seriously - it's not a Ferrari, for fuck's sake. What makes you think you need to take up 4 PARKING SPACES?

Here lately I've felt like I'm asking myself daily: Who the fuck raised these people? No, seriously - who? It wasn't the wolves - they at least have some social graces.

Wall of Embarrassment - August 27, 2011

So the Smart Man and I stopped by our Awesome, Awesome Library on Saturday. Now, our library is always crowded, but never so much as on Saturdays or immediately after school lets out. So when we pulled into the parking lot, we were simply DELIGHTED to see this fucknut taking up TWO parking spots in the lot.

Sporting fleet plate 987-TWP, evidently Ms/Mr. I'm-Very-Important felt that taking up two spots was completely justified rather than parking her/his Very-Important-Penis-Mobile in the outlying parking lot, which always has plenty of room. Because she/he's VERY, VERY IMPORTANT, you see.

So this person gets a spot on the Wall of Embarrassment, rather than the Wall of Shame, which is reserved for those putz-buckets who steal handicapped spaces without benefit of the required placard. So congratulations, 987-TWP! You're not a putz-bucket, just an asshole!

Wall of Shame - July 28, 2011

So I run to the Parker Safeway at lunchtime today to pick up a few things, and what should I behold on my way out but an able-bodied man getting out of this Mercedes. After he parked it in a handicapped space and failed to display a handicapped placard.

I don't give a good goddamn what kind of vehicle you drive. To quote my hero George Takei, "You, sir, are a total douchebag."

Wall of Shame - June 27, 2011

Why, yes, woman driving the Ford Escape, Colorado license plate 721-DLB, illegally parked in a handicapped spot at the Parker Public Library on June 27, 2011 at 3:45 p.m., I did see you make your way back to your vehicle. I noticed you were able bodied, and no, I don't give a good goddamn how long you were inside. You don't have a handicap placard, and no matter how crowded the library parking lot is, you're still utterly, thoroughly wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Wall of Shame - April 20, 2011

Why, no, woman in the Ford POS, Colorado license plat 592-CFG, parked in a handicapped space at the Parker, CO Safeway on Wednesday, April 20, 2011, sitting in your car while you illegally park in that space does not make you less of a douche. 

Wall of Shame - April 6, 2011

Why, yes, driver of the Ford Edge, North Carolina license plate ABM-4396, I did see you walk into the Parker, Colorado PetSmart on April 6, 2011 and leave your car in a handicapped spot. I also saw how very spry you were, that you didn't drop anyone off before parking, and that you didn't have a handicapped placard or license plate.

Nice job coming to my state and my community and acting like a complete and utter douche. Really - stellar job.

Wall of Shame - August 1, 2010

"Hey! Look at me! I'm totally parking in a handicapped parking space without a placard, but guess what? It's okay, because I'm waiting in the car!"

Guess what, driver of the Honda minivan, license plate 076-ENN, parked in the handicapped spot in front of the Parker, CO Safeway on the corner of Main and Parker on August 1, 2010 at 6:45 p.m.? It's not okay. It's against the law, and doing so makes you a huge ASSHOLE. And you know what makes this even more egregious? The fact that you chose to exhibit this behavior while your kids were in the car.

Yeah, nice job, douchebag.

Cross posted on Colorado Assholes.

Wall of Shame - July 30, 2010

Why, yes, owner of the red Ford pickup, license plate 305-JJU, WITHOUT A HANDICAPPED PLACARD, who parked (badly) in the handicapped parking space of the Parker Library on July 30, 2010 at 2:00 p.m. - I , too, noticed that the entire library parking lot was full.* When this sort of thing happens, however, the correct and appropriate thing to do is to park in the never-full strip mall parking lot RIGHT NEXT DOOR and walk your lazy ass to the library, like the rest of us able bodied citizens.

But why do that, when the self-centered and completely ASSHOLE thing to do is to claim a handicapped spot for your very own? And did I mention you're an ASSHOLE?

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*It was full because our backwards county refused to pass a bond initiative to give them a new, bigger space.

Wall of Shame - February 6, 2010

Attention, driver of the new car parked in front of the Parker, CO Safeway at 6:30 p.m. on February 6th, 2010 in the handicapped spot with no placard and no visible sign of a handicap: Being middle aged and moderately overweight is not a "handicap."

But being a presumptive bitch is.


Sorry about the picture quality, folks. My cell takes really crappy pictures at night.

Wall of Shame - January 19, 2010

Yes, driver of the Ford Expedition who parked in the Handicapped parking at the TCF Bank in the Parker Pavilion at 1:00 p.m. on January 19, 2010, I did in fact see you walk into the bank with no visible indicator of a handicap. I also noticed that you had no handicap tags or placards on your vehicle.

You know what else I noticed? You're an ASS.