It's no secret I think Libertarians are emotionally retarded children.Their entire worldview is predicated on tenets so morally repugnant to me that really, sometimes I think my best course of action is to just hit them in the face with a shovel.
But they're also annoying little fuckers. And here's why.
Everyone needs a little help now and then.
Including, apparently, Libertarians. Not that they'd admit it, of course. The hypocrisy inherent in simultaneously decrying the evils of social safety nets such as Social Security, Medicare, unemployment, etc., etc. while also taking advantage of those self-same programs for your own benefit is simply
stunning. ESPECIALLY as it relates to the Libertarian patron saint, the venerated
Ayn Rand, who insisted on smoking like a chimney her entire life, then applied for Medicare and Social Security when she became ill with - surprise, surprise - lung cancer.
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| Government handouts? Who, me? |
Evidently it's the height of
EEEVIL to ask the government to regulate the availability of birth control to women who are paying for health insurance, but it's perfectly defensible to ask the government to out and out
pay for your health care and living expenses when you become ill due to your own behavior. Clearly Libertarians feel only
they are worthy of such assistance, while the rest of the country can die in a fire before they'll agree to contribute to the public good. Literally.
There's a part of me that believes that Libertarians who make such public, vociferous complaints about the public safety net should be cut loose from society to fend for themselves, no taxes, no benefits. Sort of a rubber stamped "going Galt" scenario. It's a bad idea, though, because you just
know legions of Ayn Rand wannabes would come out of the woodwork and insist on taking part in the program without having to pay in. And we'd have to care for them, because that's what civilized societies do. Better to listen to them complain. I think.
Recognizing your privilege is a virtue.
This is probably the thing about Libertarians that annoys me the most. They have this constant, almost pathological need to conflate their unearned privilege with personal virtue.
If a Libertarian gets a job, becomes successful, makes a ton of money, has
any kind of good fortune, they will claim that their success is
entirely due to their own hard work and virtuous ways. The fact that they are white, and/or male, and/or grew up in a safe environment, and/or had the opportunity to get a good education, and/or enjoy good health, and/or have access to affordable healthcare, and/or won the genetic lottery in the form of brains, brawn, or both, these things have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. These aren't the 'droids you're looking for. Move along.
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| I'd be a Doctor even if I WASN'T an old white dude with a privileged upbringing. And a Congressman. I'd be a Congressman, too. |
There's a reason that the Libertarian mindset is primarily found in
young, wealthy males. Because people who don't have unearned privilege realize that having it doesn't make you a better person.
The free market is not a "force for good."
The free market is a system whereby companies or financial institutions attempt to sell goods or services at a profit, and where prices are determined by supply and demand. That's it. There's nothing inherently moral or virtuous about it, it's simply one system that allows societies to trade goods and services in a sometimes coherent way.
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| What do you mean I'm not the Great and Powerful Oz? |
But to hear Libertarians tell it, the free market is the panacea that will solve all our ills, repair everything that's broken, and will self-regulate our society into a utopian paradise where evil-doers are punished by the all-knowing and all-powerful FREE MARKET. The only problem with that, of course, is that it's complete and utter bullshit, and to claim otherwise is more than a bit disingenuous, especially in light of our recent economic crises. Don't agree? Ask
Alan Greenspan, acolyte of Ayn Rand, who failed to see what deregulation was doing to the financial sector until the barn was already burning.
The free market is a morally neutral construct, but
people are murderous, unethical fucksticks who will let the nation burn to the ground if it means that their profits will increase quarter over quarter. That's why we need, you know,
regulation. Just ask
Brookesly Born.
Compassion is a good thing, you selfish motherfucker.
And finally, we have the incredibly annoying "Fuck you, I've got mine" mentality shared by so many Libertarians. I swear to Cthulu, some of these people act like they are personally responsible for every aspect of their life, with no contributions from society, their family, their government. To hear them tell it, they sprang fully formed from the forehead of their sire, already knowing how to read, write and do higher math, they've never used public roads, partaken in any government program, or lived in a society that enjoyed the rule of law due to the efforts and work of others.
Even if you're one of those crazy "Doomsday Preppers" and live off the grid, you're
still taking advantage of technologies the government subsidizes and regulates. Who do you think funds research for renewable energy? Who do you think regulates and helps manage refinement of the fuel oil you use for your generator?
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| I developed and manufactured these myself! |
How self-centered do you have to be to believe that you, and you alone, are completely responsible for your life's trajectory and success, and the same is true of other people, as well? If someone's sick, or poor, or received a poor education, or lost the genetic lottery by being just plain stupid, then shouldn't people of good conscience encourage a form of government that helps to lift people up rather than leaving them to drown in a sea of misery? I guess that's just crazy talk, because
fuck you, I've got mine.
Evidently none of these paragons have ever heard (or taken to heart) the idea that "There but for the grace of God go I." It's really not that hard, Libertarians. I'm a fucking
Atheist, and even I get it.
Delusional.
And annoying.
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Updated 3/31/2012 2:47 p.m. I've decided to turn off comments for this post due to an influx of Libertarian trolls from Reddit. I have other, more productive things to do than defending myself from the tedious accusations of people who actually think The Shovel of Doom
™ is a real implement that I would actually use on other human beings rather than a rhetorical device. Things like admiring my new Vera Wang shoes! And scratching the Boogie Dog! And...well, really, anything.
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