'Tard of the Week - Andrew D. Basiago, Emo Lawyer

Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Andrew D. Basiago is an American attorney and amateur scientist.

Emphasis on the "amateur."

Poor Mr. Basiago is currently being dissed by the National Geographic Society because they narrow-mindedly refuse to publish his claims that the Mars Rover Spirit captured photographic evidence of life on the Red Planet. He wrote a letter to the Society in an effort to get them to publish his "findings."

From the press release:
"I was astonished by what I found," he said. "There, on the Red Planet, were beings in blue bodysuits and the abstract artwork of a Martian civilization. I was looking at the first evidence of life beyond Earth!"

In his letter to the National Geographic Society, the lawyer writes that careful evaluation of PIA10214 reveals "a cosmic treasure trove of pictographic evidence of life on Mars, including humanoid beings, animal species, carved statues, and built structures."

According to Basiago, the humanoid beings photographed in PIA10214 have bulbous heads and elongated bodies, like the extraterrestrials described in alien contact accounts. Some have two arms and legs like human beings, while others have multiple appendages and segmented or larval bodies, as if they are human-insect hybrids.
Here's the photograph in question, with my own commentary:


You want to know what's really sad about this? Aside from the craziness of thinking Martians in Little Blue Bodysuits have been captured on film and you're the only one on the planet to recognize it, I mean.

The part where Mr. Basiago has "five academic degrees, including a BA in History from UCLA and a Master of Philosophy from the University of Cambridge."

Just goes to show that advanced education does not exempt you from acting like a complete and utter 'tard.

Can you say pareidolia, Hot Chicks and Smart Men? I knew you could.


H/T to my Celebrity Boyfriend, The Bad Astronomer.

40 comments:

hugh57-sffan said...

UCLA and the University of Cambridge must be so proud right now. ;-)

mattw said...

Oh, wait, I think, no it's there. I see a unicorn in the photo and *goes back for second look* he's having tea with Jesus and Buddha! Where's that damn address for National Geographic when you need it?

I see a lot of rocks, that's for sure. No blue men though. What a 'tard.

Janiece Murphy said...

Welcome, hugh57-sffan. Or can I call you "Hugh?"

Yeah, I'm sure institutes of higher learning are always embarrassed when one of their own goes off the deep end.

And Matt? I dare you.

Karl said...

hmph, all I see are the tire tracks from some Jeep testing and the spot where the Swedish Bikini Team did thier last photo shoot. Always without my 3D glasses, man. pshh...

Where in the picture does he see this stuff?

hugh57-sffan said...

Janiece: "Hugh" is fine. :)

Actually, that picture looks a lot like parts of the Utah desert that I've driven through. You can drive for many, many miles before you see any sign of life other than the road itself and its roadsigns.

Janiece Murphy said...

Hugh, now you've done it.

Next the Moon Hoax crowd will be saying the photos sent back by Spirit and Opportunity were actually taken in Utah.

Thanks a lot.

Keith Wilson said...

Funny how you find tards who like to exaggerate their academic credentials for fun and profit.

Just sayin'.

hugh57-sffan said...

I can't take credit for that, Janiece. Various 'tards have been making that assertion (or variants of it) since July 20, 1969.

John the Scientist said...

No, no, no, no, NO!

You are not adraggin' me into THIS one.

:p

Janiece Murphy said...

::innocent look::

John, I have no idea what you're talking about.

mattw said...

Dare accepted

Jim Wright said...

Oh for crying out loud.

Crazy lawyer. Bad Science. Again. And you're the one who started this the last time. Goddamnit, Janiece. If I comment, does that mean I get more death threats, promises of litigation, and batshit crazy email?

Because, you know, I'm good with that. Really. It amuses me to get death threats.

C'mon, John, I'm pretty sure we can take one goofy lawyer. Really, who would believe such a guy? He can't have any followers. Why, that would be like people believing a fake lawyer about black holes and bad physics. Oh, wait. Uh, nevermind.

Saaaaaaay, I think I do see the blue unicorn in that picture....

yesh, hand me another beer, it's becoming clearer.

Jim Wright said...

Hey, it's Hugh57! Where you been? Haven't seen you around in a while.

Janiece Murphy said...

Jim, really - I have NO IDEA what you're talking about.

Signed,

Janiece (The Instigator) Murphy

Carol Elaine said...

Next the Moon Hoax crowd will be saying the photos sent back by Spirit and Opportunity were actually taken in Utah.

Damn it, Janiece! Why'd you have to go and write that publicly?

If you have a couple of goons show up on your doorstep wearing black suits and sunglasses, holding little silver things (yes, they're real), you have only yourself to blame. I can't help you this time.

Informyou said...

Well actually everyone I believe what this guy is talking about and I don't care that all of you are major disbelievers because of your childhood brainwashing. do more research, you might be surprised.

Janiece said...

Yeah, childhood brainwashing. That's why I don't believe this particular conspiracy theory.

Not because Mr. Basiago has a tenuous grasp on reality at best.

Out of the woodwork, they come.

Eric said...

If my brain was washed as a child how come I have such a dirty mind these days?

No, seriously, this really has me worried.

Carol Elaine said...

I just rolled my eyeballs so hard I think I sprained them.

I'm hesitant to address "Informyou" (heh) because he/she is obviously stuck with beliefs that have no observable evidence to support them and refuses to give them up. In addition, "Informyou" (heh heh) posits that his/her beliefs are the truth (a prime symptom of brainwashing, BTW).

However, I can't hold back because, as y'all know, I work with JPL scientists and engineers. Not the ones who worked on the Mars Rovers, mind you, but they're only a few buildings away from the building I work in. I'm sure I could print out Janiece's blog entry along with the comments and take them over to the Mars scientists and engineers. Personally I would love to see them fall off their chairs as they laughed their asses off.

Eric, your dirty mind just proves that your childhood brainwashing needs booster sessions, much like childhood vaccinations. I, for one, am glad that the brainwashing never took. We Trollops like you with a dirty, dirty mind.

Eric said...

I picture "Informyou" as being a recurring character on a really low-rent children's show on local access cable or public television. He looks like somebody rented a Gumby costume and did an indifferent job of trying to dye it a color of purple that looks more sort of gray under the harsh light of the three decrepit stage lights, even moreso through the lens of the thirty-year-old camera the show's shot with. Informyou was created to come on to tell Captain Pandabear or whoever about why we wash our hands or eat okra, but it's impossible for the fifteen actors and actresses who have donned the heavy styrofoam costume during the past six years to remain conscious without collapsing from heat prostration, so after about the character's third or fourth appearance, Informyou just wobbles unsteadily on his/her/its feet while the show's host talks about hygiene and accepts Informyou's slow, semihypnotic gyrations as affirmations. Although Informyou's creator (also the show's creator, who also stars as Professor Wonderbear or whatever the show's host is called) likes to think the show's long run in this area is because of the show's timeless appeal to children, the real secret to the show's success despite its three-a.m. timeslot is that stoned college students like to watch the show ironically while trying to make the most out of the seeds and stems they have left at the bottom of the baggie.

This is also why, in the course of the show's seven-year run (Informyou debuted during the show's second season) there have been at least six short-lived local college bands called "Informyou," the most successful of which was a popular ska outfit that improbably stayed together for two-and-a-half semesters until the original bassist graduated and the guitarist and one of the horn players got into a now-legendary brawl during a gig at the Alley Cat. Although there is now yet another band calling themselves "Informyou" (freshmen, not very good, mostly cover Police songs for some reason), whenever anyone talks about the "classic" Informyou gig, they're referring to the onstage brawl two years ago. More people have now claimed to have been at the show (or to have had an older sibling in attendance) than the actual total number of people who have seen any incarnation of Informyou play live at all, which will be an interesting topic of conversation at the twenty-year reunion of the Class of '07.

Janiece said...

Oh, Eric. Don't ever lay down the crack pipe. I love you so.

Trained Observer said...

..."I don't care that all of you are major disbelievers because of your childhood brainwashing. do more research, you might be surprised." If you "do more research" and actually read the paper this fellow declares is a "work of natural history" and "proof of life on mars" you'll quickly realize that the cheese has slipped completely off this guys cracker and onto the floor, been stepped on, and snatched up by the cat. Thank my lucky stars that I was brainwashed in my youth by good science teachers who instilled a love of logic and reason in me.

Janiece said...

Welcome, Trained Observer.

You will find we are huge fans of the scientific method around here.

Rabboni T. ReVealer said...

Hey niece,

Are you a hot chick? How about posting some pics so your blog readers can decide for themselves if they concur?

I await your expose' with bated breath.

RTR

Janiece said...

RTR, I think the only correct response to your request is "fuck off." Especially in light of how old the post is that brought you to my door.

Flappington said...

Making easy fun of someone brave enough to step out and make the bold statement 'there is life on mars!' is plain weak. How pathetically small minded most of you posting here are, too. You will be blind as bats even when there are clear, obvious images and videos to scour of the martian surface. "Oh, these are just CGI - I'm calling BS on this too". Several of the things Andrew Basiago sees are very hard to picture, granted. But what about the turqoise shapes and figures? Explain how the 'wind' created those bulbous spirals, and things that look like starfish?

What about the obvious lump of old wood in front of the Rover? NASA WANTED us to see the damn thing, that's why it is still there in the photo. There is, or has been some type of vegetation or human wooden construction on the surface.

As well as being blind as a bat, sounds like 'hot chick' (ahem...) has a big chip on her shoulder academically.

Janiece said...

Flappington, I have learned my lesson, and have no more energy this week for the crazies.

Seriously.

And my comments about Mr. Basiago's education is not a "chip," it's regret that someone who was so obviously successful in his academic endeavors has lost touch with reality. It's really rather sad.

Jim Wright said...

Holy fucking shit! Another one!


Flapdoddle, you're kidding right? I mean really, you're just fucking kidding right?

Or did you forget to take your medication today?

Eric said...

Flappington, I could simply point you to the Wikipedia entry on pareidolia as a response to discerning mysterious shapes, humanoids in blue jumpsuits and Elder Things on the surface of Mars, but it would be much more fun to agree with you.

Why, yes, there are aliens on Mars. They're the weird starfish figures you point out. The men in blue jumpsuits, however, are actually humans--no, not astronauts, they're time travelers. No, not from the future--from our distant past. You see, the Atlanteans became aware of a tremendous disturbance in the spacetime continuum that would cause the sun to explode, and so they donned their Blue Jumpsuits Of Heroic Altruism and tempaported to the surface of Mars to speak with the Rigelians (the starfish creatures, from the planet Rigel, which orbits Fomalhaut, which surprises most people who'd assume Rigelians are from a planet around Rigel; ironically, there's a planet called Fomalhaut that orbits Rigel, and so Fomalhautians are from near Rigel and Rigelians are from near Fomalhaut--anyway--). The Rigelians were willing to part with a piece of their mystic tree (the block of wood you perceptively perceived--good eye!), but then an Atlantean named Clyde dropped it just before the Atlanteans tempaported back to Atlantis. Tragically, Atlantis sank five minutes later, before the Atlanteans could tempaport back to pick the piece of wood up. You might think the tragic sinking of Atlantis might have had something to do with all the unlicensed tempaporters causing geological instability, but you'd be wrong; Atlantis sank because of an unpaid bill. Long story, I'll tell you some other time.

Jim Wright said...

Fuck, Eric, don't encourage him.

stuffapproved said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Janiece said...

*TONG!*

Hudson Folk said...

I checked out all of his pics and all I see are rocks and blurry pixels. He sees fantastic aliens with the mixed anatomies of elephants and scorpions.
I never smoked anything that good back in the 80s.

Janiece said...

Welcome, Hudson Folk.

Me, neither, which isn't surprising, since I spent most of the 80s in the military. They tend to frown on such things. :-)

skymon861 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Janiece said...

*TONG!*

cealie said...

Wow. How could someone with so much education present this with a straight face? There's nothing but rocks there. Zooming just makes big blurry rocks and blurry shapes in the sand. What a disappointment. I'm listening to him blather about time travel on coast to coast am. I can't believe anything this charlatan says.

Janiece said...

Welcome, cealie.

I'm getting a lot of traffic on this post, perhaps because of the radio show you mentioned...

ottman said...

THE FACT THAT YOU ARE PUBLICLY CONDEMNING THIS MAN FOR COMING FORWARD WITH HIS PERSONAL TESTIMONY ABOUT LIFE ON MARS AND PROJECT PEGASUS, A DARPA PROGRAM IN TELEPORTATION, IS VERY UNNECESSARY, BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

RESPECT IS NUMBER 1. PLEASE RELABEL THE TITLE OF THIS POST TO SOMETHING LESS PERSONAL AND DISRESPECTFUL. YES, DISCUSS IT, BUT WHY EMIT SUCH NEGATIVITY?

Janiece said...

Ottman, you are making me tired. This post is almost a year old, and I'm getting sick of responding to the wackadoos who glide in here to defend their hero.

Respect is #1? Really? I don't see that I have an obligation to "respect" the opinion of those who make unsubstantiated claims, any more than I have an obligation to "respect" the opinion of those who believe I should be stoned for my (lack of) religious belief.

I'm closing the comments to this post. I have better things to do than spar with the Andrew Basiago fan club.