The UPS Man came yesterday, bearing gifts for yours truly:
I've had my eye on these babies for quite some time, and when I finally had the money to buy them, the online Fluevog store didn't have them in my size. OH THE HORROR. The nice folks at the new Minneapolis store recommended I check third party vendors, and lo and behold, AMAZON TO THE RESCUE.
Rowr. Because I always deserve a better class of shoe.
Deserving a better class of relationship
One of the interesting and painful things about growing into the person you want to be is the realization that you deserve a better class of relationship.
People who continue to grow need people around them who also continue to grow. And the disappointing fact is that many, many people have a tendency to coast through life, maintaining the status quo, not learning anything new about either themselves or the world around them.
I was a late bloomer in this respect, and didn't come to the realization that I deserved a better class of relationship until I was in my thirties. The realization led to a purge of not-so-stable friends, the refusal of dates with the Parade-of-Loser boyfriends, and in my forties, the decision that "a better class of relationship" applies to those I'm related to by blood, too.
Now my Hot Daughter is realizing this hard truth, as well. Because she's smarter and more emotionally stable than her mother, she's doing this work in her 20's rather than her 30's and 40's. I'm very proud of her for making decisions surrounding how she deserves to be treated that are based in self-respect. The outcome of this work will be a better, healthier life, filled with people who help her to grow and make her a better person by their presence.
But I ache for her, as well. Letting go of the people who take you for granted, who make you feel bad about yourself for their own convenience, who do not consider you when they make their decisions is a good thing, leading to a good outcome. But that doesn't mean it's not painful as hell.
People who continue to grow need people around them who also continue to grow. And the disappointing fact is that many, many people have a tendency to coast through life, maintaining the status quo, not learning anything new about either themselves or the world around them.
I was a late bloomer in this respect, and didn't come to the realization that I deserved a better class of relationship until I was in my thirties. The realization led to a purge of not-so-stable friends, the refusal of dates with the Parade-of-Loser boyfriends, and in my forties, the decision that "a better class of relationship" applies to those I'm related to by blood, too.
Now my Hot Daughter is realizing this hard truth, as well. Because she's smarter and more emotionally stable than her mother, she's doing this work in her 20's rather than her 30's and 40's. I'm very proud of her for making decisions surrounding how she deserves to be treated that are based in self-respect. The outcome of this work will be a better, healthier life, filled with people who help her to grow and make her a better person by their presence.
But I ache for her, as well. Letting go of the people who take you for granted, who make you feel bad about yourself for their own convenience, who do not consider you when they make their decisions is a good thing, leading to a good outcome. But that doesn't mean it's not painful as hell.
Thank you, anonymous strangers
Yesterday my Hot Daughter had an accident on snowy and slick roads.
She lost control of her vehicle, slid front end first into a decorative
light post, and ended up on the sidewalk. Thankfully, she was not hurt,
although the car's in pretty bad shape.
While she was waiting for the police to arrive and making phone calls to the various people who needed to be notified, she said that over ten people stopped with offers of help, some on foot, and some in their own vehicles.
Thank you, anonymous strangers, for looking out for my baby girl.
While she was waiting for the police to arrive and making phone calls to the various people who needed to be notified, she said that over ten people stopped with offers of help, some on foot, and some in their own vehicles.
Thank you, anonymous strangers, for looking out for my baby girl.
Random Acts of Kindness
There's a trend out there. A trend that is lifting my spirit and giving me hope.
I'm speaking of the grassroots initiative to memorialize the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting by performing 26 Random Acts of Kindness. By, as Mr. Rogers noted so sincerely, not only looking for the helpers, but by becoming them.
I love this idea so much. The hashtags are #20Acts or #26Acts, and I've created a Tumblr for the purpose of collecting and sharing stories. Feel free to join, and submit your stories if you wish. It's time to elevate the human spirit instead of allowing it to be defined by the ugliness of Friday's events.
I'm speaking of the grassroots initiative to memorialize the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting by performing 26 Random Acts of Kindness. By, as Mr. Rogers noted so sincerely, not only looking for the helpers, but by becoming them.
I love this idea so much. The hashtags are #20Acts or #26Acts, and I've created a Tumblr for the purpose of collecting and sharing stories. Feel free to join, and submit your stories if you wish. It's time to elevate the human spirit instead of allowing it to be defined by the ugliness of Friday's events.
Looking for the Helpers
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.
Mr. Rogers
When the unnamed Connecticut shooter was doing his dirty business on Friday, Victoria Leigh Soto became a helper. She hid her first grade class, lied to the gunman about their location, and was then shot to death. Not a single student under her care was harmed.
No matter how awful, how deranged, how evil the unnamed shooter was, Victoria Leigh Soto was infinitely, amazingly, courageously better.
No matter how awful, how deranged, how evil the unnamed shooter was, Victoria Leigh Soto was infinitely, amazingly, courageously better.
Unintended Consequences
Like most people, I'm appalled by the events of yesterday. I can't even imagine what those families must be going through...or maybe I can, and that's why I'm so appalled.
But I'm not shocked by yesterday's events. Such destruction happens far too often for me to be surprised by the ways in which humans can hurt one another, or by the ways in which people refuse to take any kind of responsibility for the unintended consequences of their political will.
A lot has been written about it, but I think my friend Eric's essay The Guns of December most closely explains my own thoughts on the matter as it relates to gun control:
Let's take the legalization of marijuana as a personal example. I voted to legalize marijuana in this state. I believed that using marijuana in moderation was no worse than using alcohol in moderation, and as a general rule, I tend to favor more freedom to act rather than less. But that doesn't mean I didn't consider the unintended consequences. It's entirely possible that Colorado will end up with an entire cadre of stoners who, as a result of this law, choose to use marijuana in ways that are not moderate, and in fact could only be considered extreme, i.e., smoking pot several times a day, every day, resulting in long-term cognitive impairment. That's absolutely possible. But the outcome of such extremity lies almost solely with the stoners. No one ever went into a school and beat some poor child to death with a baggie full of buds, so this risk is acceptable to me.
I don't think anyone can make a case that American's lack of gun control carries a similar level of acceptable risk, because the consequences of extreme behavior are so very, very severe.
Yes, yes, people kill people, blah, blah, blah. The fact of the matter is that when you're dealing with events like these, people kill people with guns. And the scope of their destruction is increased exponentially by their access to firearms. There are other issues at play here, of course - the lack of mental health services, for example. But the bottom line is that a major contributing factor in these cases is America's lack of vision in this area. Do I believe the ownership of firearms should be illegal? No, I don't. But I think our culture's fetishization of guns has entirely too high a price in the area of unintended consequences. And what really shocks me is that there are so many people who sincerely, honestly believe that those consequences are entirely acceptable.
____________
ETA: If we are to have an honest, fact based discussion about the proper way in which to modify gun control in this country (seriously - I'm not holding my breath), then let us begin with facts, those pesky things. I myself am particularly interested in numbers 1 and 9.
But I'm not shocked by yesterday's events. Such destruction happens far too often for me to be surprised by the ways in which humans can hurt one another, or by the ways in which people refuse to take any kind of responsibility for the unintended consequences of their political will.
A lot has been written about it, but I think my friend Eric's essay The Guns of December most closely explains my own thoughts on the matter as it relates to gun control:
I want to hear from the other side. I want to hear someone--preferably a card-carrying member of the National Rifle Association--tell me, preferably to my face, not that they want dead children (because that would be a bit much and we all know that isn't true), but they're okay with them. That they understand that's the price of their convenient access to easy, deregulated weaponry and they're willing to keep paying it. Keep in mind: I already know this to be true, I just want to fucking hear them telling me the fucking truth for a change. I want to hear the words slip softly over their lips that they know what they're paying and they're settled with that, their souls rest easy in the hollow basins in their skulls. That they sleep at night with this because they can.When we make decisions on policy, there are consequences to that policy. And only those who are unserious about their franchise pretend like they bear no personal responsibility for those consequences. Because no matter how you slice it, when you choose an action - or in this case, choosing an inaction - you also choose the consequences of that action or inaction. Which in this case, means lots more dead Judges, moviegoers, and children.
Let's take the legalization of marijuana as a personal example. I voted to legalize marijuana in this state. I believed that using marijuana in moderation was no worse than using alcohol in moderation, and as a general rule, I tend to favor more freedom to act rather than less. But that doesn't mean I didn't consider the unintended consequences. It's entirely possible that Colorado will end up with an entire cadre of stoners who, as a result of this law, choose to use marijuana in ways that are not moderate, and in fact could only be considered extreme, i.e., smoking pot several times a day, every day, resulting in long-term cognitive impairment. That's absolutely possible. But the outcome of such extremity lies almost solely with the stoners. No one ever went into a school and beat some poor child to death with a baggie full of buds, so this risk is acceptable to me.
I don't think anyone can make a case that American's lack of gun control carries a similar level of acceptable risk, because the consequences of extreme behavior are so very, very severe.
Yes, yes, people kill people, blah, blah, blah. The fact of the matter is that when you're dealing with events like these, people kill people with guns. And the scope of their destruction is increased exponentially by their access to firearms. There are other issues at play here, of course - the lack of mental health services, for example. But the bottom line is that a major contributing factor in these cases is America's lack of vision in this area. Do I believe the ownership of firearms should be illegal? No, I don't. But I think our culture's fetishization of guns has entirely too high a price in the area of unintended consequences. And what really shocks me is that there are so many people who sincerely, honestly believe that those consequences are entirely acceptable.
____________
ETA: If we are to have an honest, fact based discussion about the proper way in which to modify gun control in this country (seriously - I'm not holding my breath), then let us begin with facts, those pesky things. I myself am particularly interested in numbers 1 and 9.
Words for Wednesday
Nowhere to Run to
So I'm still running, about three days a week. I'm up to 95 minutes without stopping, which for me translates to between seven and eight miles. And just yesterday, I added sprints to my routine, because apparently I need counseling in this area.The fact of the matter is that I'm still struggling with the loss of our beloved Boogie as well as my par-for-the-course holiday depression. I'm hoping that doubling down on my cardio at the expense of my weight training will hold the bad feelings at bay so that I might continue to function in ways that aren't really optional at this point in my life.
I still feel like shit, but I'm functional, so I'm going to call this a "win." Except for the part where my quads and calves are in a constant state of achy stiffness, and I'm apparently losing several of my toenails. Whee.
The Ballad of Mad Dogs and Englishman
Speaking of Boogie, we're still attempting to revise our daily activities (and our lives) to a state where we're not always looking for him, making plans for his care, etc. We retrieved his ashes after the cremation, and while we initially thought we'd want to scatter them in the area where he took his daily walkies, when the time came we couldn't bring ourselves to do so. Now they're on the mantle, waiting for their final disposition, which is still undecided.His blankets and bed went to the Animal Emergency and Specialty Center, who cared for him in his final days, and his crate went to City Bark, the awesome kennel which he considered Doggie Purgatory, but wasn't. Turns out City Bark also does large dog rescue, and they'll use his crate for dogs that need that help. We donated his food and snacks to the local Food Bank, who are always looking for pet food for their clients.
All of these donations made us happy, as we feel we were supporting other families and pets who needed help. A small comfort, but comfort nevertheless.
The Ice of Boston
I'm heading out to Boston this morning on my latest business jaunt. I'm still neck-deep in Next Generation 911 technology and integration issues, which is actually a good thing. Working on technology that allows people "always-on" access to emergency services is satisfying work, as opposed to, I don't know, working on technology that allows people to bitch and cry about how they're having trouble surfing the pr0n. Because really, I'm pretty sure my giving any kind of shit about someone's inability to surf the pr0n would violate some physical law.I'll be back late Friday, so (once again), you guys are on your own for a few days. Please don't burn the place down.
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