Deserving a better class of relationship

Friday, December 21, 2012
One of the interesting and painful things about growing into the person you want to be is the realization that you deserve a better class of relationship.

People who continue to grow need people around them who also continue to grow. And the disappointing fact is that many, many people have a tendency to coast through life, maintaining the status quo, not learning anything new about either themselves or the world around them.

I was a late bloomer in this respect, and didn't come to the realization that I deserved a better class of relationship until I was in my thirties. The realization led to a purge of not-so-stable friends, the refusal of dates with the Parade-of-Loser boyfriends, and in my forties, the decision that "a better class of relationship" applies to those I'm related to by blood, too.

Now my Hot Daughter is realizing this hard truth, as well. Because she's smarter and more emotionally stable than her mother, she's doing this work in her 20's rather than her 30's and 40's. I'm very proud of her for making decisions surrounding how she deserves to be treated that are based in self-respect. The outcome of this work will be a better, healthier life, filled with people who help her to grow and make her a better person by their presence.

But I ache for her, as well. Letting go of the people who take you for granted, who make you feel bad about yourself for their own convenience, who do not consider you when they make their decisions is a good thing, leading to a good outcome. But that doesn't mean it's not painful as hell.

3 comments:

Anne C. said...

And HotDaughter's doing this is a sign of something even better (in my opinion) -- that she likes herself enough to believe she DESERVES better. I think one thing that holds us back from shedding unhealthy relationships is the erroneous (and often unconscious) belief that this is the best we can do; that no one who really gets to know us will like us (because we are so terribly flawed); and that if we tried to be friends with someone we really admired, we'd be turned away. The fact that HotDaughter is willing to challenge that is SO awesome.

Janiece said...

You said it Anne. How did I end up with such an awesome kid?

mom in northern said...

Good for her...