Today's the last day for the Fifth Annual Maureen "AJ" Ramey Memorial Summer Reading Program, brought to you by Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men!
I will close the comments on the contest at noon tomorrow, so get your books recorded before then to be eligible to win the prize.
Happy reading!
What the Fuck is Wrong with People?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
As you all know, my family recently lost my Mother-in-Law to cancer. This has been a challenging four weeks, and in many ways, we still can't believe it, things happened so quickly. In short, it sucks to be us right now.
So imagine our surprise when yesterday the Smart Man received a call from the Funeral Home telling him a letter had arrived there to the family of Barbara Comer. He went down there, and received an envelope from a total stranger, Ms. Betty Burrell from Union, Ohio:
Because, really - that's what every family needs to help them through their grief process. EVANGELICAL FORM LETTERS.
As you can imagine, I was livid, not only on my own behalf, but because the love of my life has to deal with this bullshit. So I sent her a letter of my own:
I have to admit, there's a small part of me that wants her to try and contact us again so I can break out the Shovel of Doom™. Test me, Ms Betty Burrell, and incur my wrath. I dare you.
So imagine our surprise when yesterday the Smart Man received a call from the Funeral Home telling him a letter had arrived there to the family of Barbara Comer. He went down there, and received an envelope from a total stranger, Ms. Betty Burrell from Union, Ohio:
Because, really - that's what every family needs to help them through their grief process. EVANGELICAL FORM LETTERS.
As you can imagine, I was livid, not only on my own behalf, but because the love of my life has to deal with this bullshit. So I sent her a letter of my own:
Dear Ms. Burrell:
My name is Janiece, and I am the daughter-in-law of Ms. Barbara A. Comer, formerly of Dayton, OH, who passed away on August 22,2015 in Littleton, CO. I helped to care for Barb in the last days of her life, and gave the eulogy at her service. She was my family, and I couldn’t have loved her more if I’d been born to her family instead of marrying into it.
Today, in one of the worst weeks of his life, my husband had to make a trip to the Parker Funeral Home to retrieve a “letter” you sent postmarked August 5, 2015. It turned out your “letter” wasn’t a letter of condolence at all. How could it be, since it’s obvious you never knew Barb? Instead it was an evangelical FORM LETTER (including cut-and-paste scripture) you send to families after you troll the obituaries.
And now we come to the crux of my communication to you: What the hell is wrong with you? How arrogant you must be to assume that your beliefs are the beliefs of the family members of the recently deceased. How full of hubris, to assume that now, in some of the worst days of our lives, that we would be open to your evangelical twaddle so that you can feel you’re fulfilling your duty as a Christian. Such outreach is wildly inappropriate, offensive, and fundamentally unkind – none of those things being a virtue the last time I read the Bible.
Let me clue you in, Ms Burrell: This IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about US. It’s about Barb, who received the sacraments and the service that were in keeping with her own faith tradition. It’s about her children, who did not share their mother’s faith, but made sure it was respected in her life and after her death. It’s about those of us who loved her, who do not need the additional stress of having to deal with the likes of you instead of having the freedom to grieve and settle her estate without your evangelical harassment.
I sincerely hope that you reevaluate this practice moving forward. It is NOT appreciated, and I suspect most families don’t have the strength or will to call you on your poor manners during the worst times of their lives. But I do, and will have no second thoughts about returning your harassment if you contact my family again.
Janiece
I have to admit, there's a small part of me that wants her to try and contact us again so I can break out the Shovel of Doom™. Test me, Ms Betty Burrell, and incur my wrath. I dare you.
Link Me Up, Scotty - Constitution and Bigotry Edition
Monday, August 31, 2015
A thoughtful essay on looking at the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution from a liberal point of view. While this article did not change my fundamental belief that the fetishization of firearms does not lead to a healthy society, it does help to articulate why I support the 2nd Amendment as a matter of principle.
H/T Hot Mom
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A practical guide to what to say and do when a loved one is experiencing intense grief. I cannot recommend this article enough.
H/T Sister Stacey
________________
A fascinating essay on the topic of "Polite White Supremacy (PWS)." There is so much more to racism in America than I knew (says the pasty white girl, unsurprisingly).
________________
As Big Box stores go, Target is my favorite. Here's one reason why.
________________
What do you do when you want to secede from the Union and no shows up? Slink off in the rain, apparently.
H/T Shipmate Jim
________________
Why hasn't this dipshit lost her job? No, really - if I refused to perform a necessary and legal task that was a cornerstone of my occupation, I would expect to be ditched lickity split. Oh, wait - this must be more of that "Christian persecution" I keep hearing so much about.
_______________
Video of the Week: Librarians cover "Uptown Funk" with some literary references.
H/T Sister Kathy
H/T Hot Mom
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A practical guide to what to say and do when a loved one is experiencing intense grief. I cannot recommend this article enough.
H/T Sister Stacey
________________
A fascinating essay on the topic of "Polite White Supremacy (PWS)." There is so much more to racism in America than I knew (says the pasty white girl, unsurprisingly).
________________
As Big Box stores go, Target is my favorite. Here's one reason why.
________________
What do you do when you want to secede from the Union and no shows up? Slink off in the rain, apparently.
H/T Shipmate Jim
________________
Why hasn't this dipshit lost her job? No, really - if I refused to perform a necessary and legal task that was a cornerstone of my occupation, I would expect to be ditched lickity split. Oh, wait - this must be more of that "Christian persecution" I keep hearing so much about.
Video of the Week: Librarians cover "Uptown Funk" with some literary references.
H/T Sister Kathy
Barbara Ann Comer, May 12, 1949 - August 22, 2015
Friday, August 28, 2015
I was privileged enough to be able to deliver her eulogy, even though I cried through most of it.
I love you, Barb.
 |
| Barb on the Alaskan Cruise we gave her for her 65th birthday. She said it was the best vacation she's ever had. |
I’ve known Barb for 15 years. Not nearly as long as some of you, and
not nearly long enough.
When I first became part of the family, Barb could not have been more
gracious. She made sure I knew I was welcome, and never treated me with
anything but the utmost kindness. Getting to know her and her story has been an
amazing privilege.
One of the things I admired about Barb was her incredible perseverance
in raising Terry and Tom. She did so basically alone, and worked hard to ensure
that even though they lived on the knife’s edge of poverty, her children knew
that they were the most important thing in her life. She ensured each of their
activities was attended by someone who loved them. She worked a second job so
that they could afford to participate in music or soccer. Nothing was too great
a sacrifice to ensure she raised happy, healthy adults, who were well-equipped
to contribute to the society in which they lived, and pass on her ethos of hard
work, self-sacrifice, and love.
And what an amazing job she did. Her legacy lives on, in the form of
Terry and Tom. They grew into fine men, with families. Both of them exhibit the kind of generosity
of spirit and love that she herself personified. Both are leaving a legacy of
their own, in the people they care for and who care for them. Barb lives on in
them, and in the love of her life, her granddaughter Lily.
And Barb lives on in me. I know I’m a better person because I knew her.
I’m more patient. I’m more kind. I have more empathy for those who don’t think
the way I think, and more willingness to see value in what others’ value. And
I’m grateful to her for changing me, and expanding my own circle of love.
If the measure of a life is taken by someone’s effect on others, then
Barb was an eminently successful human being. She didn’t rock the world with
her scientific or cultural accomplishments. She wasn’t famous, or even
well-known. Instead she changed the lives of the people around her, one person
at a time, making the world a little less mean, a little more kind. And being
remembered for that is probably the best legacy of all.
Planned Parenthood and Hypocrisy
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Today I was driving down Parker Road and saw about a dozen protesters outside our local Planned Parenthood clinic, with the usual signs about "stop abortion" and "Defund Planned Parenthood."
The only problem, or course, is that our local clinic is not one of the Planned Parenthood clinics that perform abortions. Instead, they provide reproductive and sexual health care, and education about those issues to women and men who can't get those services anywhere else.
Additionally, Planned Parenthood uses NO federal monies to subsidize abortions, because that's the law.
While I believe that the issue of abortion is one of the true moral dilemmas of our time, what I don't understand is why so-called "right to life" activists want to deny the 2.7 million people who currently use PP services access to this type of healthcare. Because that's what Jesus would do? Not to speak for someone else's deity, but I'm pretty sure that whole "care for the poor and the sick" thing precludes denying someone else health care. Just sayin'.
What I haven't seen from these people is an actual plan to replace the services PP provides. The federal government does not subsidize abortion. Period. So what are you going to do about the other 2.7 million people who need this health care, Right to Lifers? Will you pick up the cost for their care moving forward out of your own pockets, or will you dump them on their asses with no other options, just like Jesus would do?
The hypocrisy, it burns.
______________
P.S. After I got home I made a charitable contribution to our local Planned Parenthood chapter, 97% of which will go toward providing health care to those who need it.
P.P.S. Commenters will remain civil, or I will wield the Shovel of Doom™ with reckless abandon. I mean it, people - it's been a super shitty day, and I have no patience for idiocy, ad hominem attacks, or crappy arguments not based on science or moral philosophy.
The only problem, or course, is that our local clinic is not one of the Planned Parenthood clinics that perform abortions. Instead, they provide reproductive and sexual health care, and education about those issues to women and men who can't get those services anywhere else.
Additionally, Planned Parenthood uses NO federal monies to subsidize abortions, because that's the law.
While I believe that the issue of abortion is one of the true moral dilemmas of our time, what I don't understand is why so-called "right to life" activists want to deny the 2.7 million people who currently use PP services access to this type of healthcare. Because that's what Jesus would do? Not to speak for someone else's deity, but I'm pretty sure that whole "care for the poor and the sick" thing precludes denying someone else health care. Just sayin'.
What I haven't seen from these people is an actual plan to replace the services PP provides. The federal government does not subsidize abortion. Period. So what are you going to do about the other 2.7 million people who need this health care, Right to Lifers? Will you pick up the cost for their care moving forward out of your own pockets, or will you dump them on their asses with no other options, just like Jesus would do?
The hypocrisy, it burns.
______________
P.S. After I got home I made a charitable contribution to our local Planned Parenthood chapter, 97% of which will go toward providing health care to those who need it.
P.P.S. Commenters will remain civil, or I will wield the Shovel of Doom™ with reckless abandon. I mean it, people - it's been a super shitty day, and I have no patience for idiocy, ad hominem attacks, or crappy arguments not based on science or moral philosophy.
Link Me Up, Scotty - Life, Death, and Racism Edition
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Most Medical Doctors die at home. Most everyone else does not. There's a reason for this, and it has a lot more to do with realistic expectations and saying "enough is enough" than the actual quality of medical care given in either case. Count me in for a peaceful home death, if I have the choice.
_________
Atheists weigh in on the "meaning of life." Yes.
H/T Brother Eric
_________
An open letter from a mom to two teen girls she met at the pool. Sometimes I backslide and tell those pesky kids to get off my lawn, and then I read something like this.
H/T Brother Seth
_________
A word on women's shoes. Preach it, sister.
H/T Debbie the Librarian
_________
Why "Douchebag" is the perfect racial slur for whites. I love that insult, and apply it liberally already (although I usually modify it to "douchecanoe."). I like this definition better.
H/T Sister Megan
_________
My quasi-celebrity platonic boyfriend Eric Gardener is at it again, this time with a new way to look at racism and its systemic effect on our society. I totally live within a racist system, and am the beneficiary of unearned privilege as a result. Am I sometimes a butthole about it? Almost certainly. Do I strive to do better every day and improve the system? You bet.
__________
Popehat is right on the money when it comes to the free pass given to law enforcement in this country. No one should be above scrutiny, I don't care how "noble" you think you are.
_________
24 Tattoos that symbolize people's struggle with mental illness. I'm considering another tattoo myself along these lines, but haven't made any decisions.
_________
Video of the Week: Young Bailey Matthews finishes his first Triathlon. He's eight years old, and he has Cerebral Palsy.
_________
Atheists weigh in on the "meaning of life." Yes.
H/T Brother Eric
_________
An open letter from a mom to two teen girls she met at the pool. Sometimes I backslide and tell those pesky kids to get off my lawn, and then I read something like this.
H/T Brother Seth
_________
A word on women's shoes. Preach it, sister.
H/T Debbie the Librarian
_________
Why "Douchebag" is the perfect racial slur for whites. I love that insult, and apply it liberally already (although I usually modify it to "douchecanoe."). I like this definition better.
H/T Sister Megan
_________
My quasi-celebrity platonic boyfriend Eric Gardener is at it again, this time with a new way to look at racism and its systemic effect on our society. I totally live within a racist system, and am the beneficiary of unearned privilege as a result. Am I sometimes a butthole about it? Almost certainly. Do I strive to do better every day and improve the system? You bet.
__________
Popehat is right on the money when it comes to the free pass given to law enforcement in this country. No one should be above scrutiny, I don't care how "noble" you think you are.
_________
24 Tattoos that symbolize people's struggle with mental illness. I'm considering another tattoo myself along these lines, but haven't made any decisions.
_________
Video of the Week: Young Bailey Matthews finishes his first Triathlon. He's eight years old, and he has Cerebral Palsy.
Link Me Up, Scotty - Sexism, Toxicity and Suicide Edition
Monday, August 3, 2015
Some points to ponder regarding the legacy of Barack Obama's presidency. I personally love this President, even if I don't agree with every policy decision (*cough*drones*cough*). The dignity he brings to the office is unlike any President in my lifetime, and thankfully, history will judge his legacy, not Bill O'Reilly and his ilk.
H/T Terry R.
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Toxic people suck, as in they suck the joy and peace from your life. Here's twelve strategies they use to accomplish that goal, and how you can be more emotionally stable without their input. All of these had bells ringing inside my head regarding people who have been in life (ding, ding, ding!)
H/T Rivi
___________
Boy Scouts of America finally lifts its ban against gay leaders. I suppose it's better late than never, but really - it's about fucking time.
___________
I totally need this type of obituary. Are you listening, Smart Man and Smart Sailor?
___________
This author found it interesting how many more people criticized his work when they thought he was a woman. And in other news, water is wet.
H/T Sister Stacey
___________
The numbers of female vets who take their own lives is far, far in excess of the general population. This bothers me on several levels for reasons that should be obvious, and I look forward to the day when I'm emotionally strong enough to try and help stem this epidemic.
H/T Brother Vince
___________
Transgender service members will no longer be discharged, and the Secretary of Defense has directed the Armed Forces to come up with appropriate policies to address the specific needs of trans people. Once again, the Armed Forces leads the way, and I couldn't be prouder of my old community.
___________
A suicide survivor with some timely advice on the language we use to describe the act of taking one's life. This has been bugging the shit out of me since Moe died, and I'm glad someone else feels the same way I do about it. No one "committed" a crime when Moe died. She died of mental illness, and is deserving of the same respect that a victim of cancer does. Both lost their fight, and neither one committed a crime. Language matters.
H/T Terry R.
___________
Toxic people suck, as in they suck the joy and peace from your life. Here's twelve strategies they use to accomplish that goal, and how you can be more emotionally stable without their input. All of these had bells ringing inside my head regarding people who have been in life (ding, ding, ding!)
H/T Rivi
___________
Boy Scouts of America finally lifts its ban against gay leaders. I suppose it's better late than never, but really - it's about fucking time.
___________
I totally need this type of obituary. Are you listening, Smart Man and Smart Sailor?
___________
This author found it interesting how many more people criticized his work when they thought he was a woman. And in other news, water is wet.
H/T Sister Stacey
___________
The numbers of female vets who take their own lives is far, far in excess of the general population. This bothers me on several levels for reasons that should be obvious, and I look forward to the day when I'm emotionally strong enough to try and help stem this epidemic.
H/T Brother Vince
___________
Transgender service members will no longer be discharged, and the Secretary of Defense has directed the Armed Forces to come up with appropriate policies to address the specific needs of trans people. Once again, the Armed Forces leads the way, and I couldn't be prouder of my old community.
___________
A suicide survivor with some timely advice on the language we use to describe the act of taking one's life. This has been bugging the shit out of me since Moe died, and I'm glad someone else feels the same way I do about it. No one "committed" a crime when Moe died. She died of mental illness, and is deserving of the same respect that a victim of cancer does. Both lost their fight, and neither one committed a crime. Language matters.
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