English, Motherfucker - Do You Speak It?

You know, I'm not particularly militant when it comes to grammar. I don't scan the Internet, looking for instances of grammar misuse so I can pounce like some sort of grammar Nazi sniffing out those who pollute the world with the misuse of "affect" and "effect." I'm quite sure I leave participles dangling all over the place, and just yesterday I used the word "sprinklered" in a sentence.

But I do have some expectation that people should be able to speak and write coherently in their native language.

Yes, in their native language. I have nothing but respect for bilingual individuals - the ability to learn another language has always escaped me, so I tend to believe that skill is really quite amazing.

What irks me are people who were born to English speaking parents, who are educated in English speaking schools, many of them college educated, and they apparently lack the ability to speak or write their own language in some sort of coherent way.

That's right - I'm looking at you, who use the word "irregardless." Or you, who enunciates the word "asking" like it's spelled "axing." Or my personal favorite - those whose comments on-line are filled with misspellings, caps-lock and ellipses. Because believe me, nothing says "illiterate, ill-informed douchebag*" like Internet commentary full of caps-lock and ellipses.

I don't expect everyone to be master craftsmen when it comes to writing or speaking publicly. These are skills like any other, and they require practice and education to master. But right, wrong or indifferent, people are going to judge you in some part on the grounds of your mastery of these basic skills. Skills you should have learned during your primary education. Isn't a little effort worth your while?
 
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*Still wondering - is "douchebag" one word or two? 

Wall of Shame - April 6, 2011

Why, yes, driver of the Ford Edge, North Carolina license plate ABM-4396, I did see you walk into the Parker, Colorado PetSmart on April 6, 2011 and leave your car in a handicapped spot. I also saw how very spry you were, that you didn't drop anyone off before parking, and that you didn't have a handicapped placard or license plate.

Nice job coming to my state and my community and acting like a complete and utter douche. Really - stellar job.

Unintended Consequences

I spent my early thirties working my ass off. Professionally, I was starting a new career in telecommunications after my years on active duty while continuing my military career in the active reserves. I was poor as shit, as I took a job with Lucent Technologies for $9.25 an hour in order to put myself in a position to take advantage of opportunities in the private sector.

My strategy obviously worked, since I'm doing quite well both financially and professionally.

But the real work, the important work that took place in those years was the work of healing myself emotionally from the consequences of my own bad decisions and fixing what was broken inside me. The reason I believe people are capable of fundamental change in their lives is because I achieved some measure of success in this work, and came out the other side a better person.* The work's not done, of course - I don't think anyone ever reaches a point where they're done, at least this side of the grave.

What I've been thinking of lately, however, is the unintended consequences of this work. You would think that as I became more emotionally stable, and instituted higher standards for the people I would allow in my life, that my inner circle would become smaller as I purged the dirtbags and the degenerates. And that was true in the short term. But slowly, that dynamic began to change. The older I got, the more progress I made in becoming the person I wanted to be. And the higher my standards became, the larger my circle grew. Yes, I've banished the reprobates and the losers, but I've also met and connected with some truly amazing people, who have made my life far richer by their presence (you know who you are - stop blushing).

This was an unintended consequence. When I was trying to get my act together, I simply wanted to live a life of which I could be proud, and sustain healthy relationships in a way that left me fulfilled instead of feeling like crap all the time. The reality is that for every craptacular asshat who's been stricken from the roles of my life I've been gifted with two new friends who are such fine human beings I have to wonder what they see in me.

I never anticipated this when I was struggling to change my life and improve myself. But it's an unintended consequence for which I'm profoundly grateful.

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*I'd like to point out that long-time pal and occasional commenter The Mechanicky Gal has stuck by me through all this, providing support and friendship, in spite of my dumbassery. Which is one of many reasons why we loves her, precious.

Filling my Emotional Moat

I've been struggling a bit lately with some issues related to relationships, and I've reached some conclusions, painful though they may be.

I have found that the older I get, the pickier I get about who I'm willing to allow into my emotional inner circle. Over the last fifteen years, I've purged a variety of low quality people from my life, and instituted some standards surrounding the type of person I choose to share my life with. While I don't have a laundry list whereby I judge people and find them wanting (or not), I have identified some qualities (and their polar opposites) that help me decide if I'm willing to let someone in. Generosity of spirit versus selfishness. Intellectual curiosity versus small-mindedness. Emotional openness versus emotional manipulation. A willingness to work on relationships in an open, constructive way versus childishness. Strength of mind versus emotional dependency.

And the conclusion I've come to is that if an individual (or individuals) personify many of the qualities I abhor, and the only thing they have going for them is that I'm related to them in some fashion - it's time to apply the Alexandrian solution to the ties that bind.

Coming to this decision was not an easy one, and it makes me sad. But really, the only surprising part about it is that it took me so damn long to acknowledge what I knew to be true and act on that knowledge.

As far as execution goes, I've decided to take the advice of my wise and kind friend Jeri. Her rule of thumb is that when deciding whether or not to confront someone, you should ask yourself if what you want to say meets the following criteria: Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind, and will it make a difference. In this particular case, I'm only hitting two out of four, so I've decided that acting on my decision to fill my emotional moat does not require some grand pronouncement or confrontation. It just requires that I adjust my emotional life, and release the anger and resentment associated with those relationships.

I'm never going to be "that person," the one who refuses to attend family events if this or that family member is ALSO going to be there. I'm a grown woman, and I can certainly act accordingly once or twice a year if I end up at events where people who are not permitted to be part of my emotional life are present. I've been doing this successfully for years, in fact - just not with anyone to whom I'm so closely related.

I can be civil - I just no longer see a need to allow people who have shown me who they are to enjoy free rent in my mind. They don't deserve it, and I have no obligation to allow it.

Tales of Incest, Gluttony and Drinking

This afternoon me, my Hot Mom and my Hot Daughter are attending a performance of Orff's Carmina Burana performed by the Colorado Symphony. Considering the subject matter of the cantata, I've decided to call this just good, wholesome family entertainment.

Here's the choir from Ysgol Glanaethwy singing the signature song, "O Fortuna."

Burning Questions

Do people who engage in brown-nosing really understand that they're brown-nosers? Or do they rewrite their own stories in their minds so they can perceive themselves in a better light?

Pelican cases have to be the best example of "form follows function" I've ever seen. How does someone think up such an elegant, obvious design?

Is there a more perfect food on the planet than steamed edamame with sea salt?

Am I the only one who can't look at Ralph Fiennes the same way after observing his creepy, noseless demeanor as the Republican candidate for President...er...I mean, Lord Voldemort? This is unfortunate, as I used to think he was kind of hot.

I like babies. (I know that's not a question, but it's been on my mind lately, so I'm ending with a declarative.) Babies!

Boogie Blogging Friday - Spring has Sprung Edition

Boogie has a love/hate relationship with Spring. He cares not at all for the heat, and Spring walkies are harbingers of hot weather.

And then there's the wind. Boogie despises the wind, as it whistles in his ears and makes him uncomfortable. If it's blowing hard enough, he'll actually ask to come home halfway through, looking miserable, both from discomfort and disappointment.

But the smells...oh my goodness...the SMELLS! Is there anything better than Springtime smells for a doggy nose?