The Society of Boob Tube Babes™

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

On the second Friday of every month, you can find me and my local female relatives at the monthly meeting of The Society of Boob Tube Babes.™ Ostensibly a movie club, the agenda is supposed to involve watching a movie and eating tasty food that is selected by one of the "Boobs." We take turns selecting, going in alphabetical order. In reality, we rarely watch the movie although it's on, as we're usually too busy chatting, laughing and eating. And that's okay with us, because visiting, giggling and eating is really the point of the whole thing. Outlying Boobs are always welcome if they happen to be in town, and are referred to as "Boobs at Large." Our most fabulous men are referred to as "Boob Dudes." Did I mention my family is a bit strange?


My family is also something of a matriarchy, mostly because so many of us have such astoundingly bad taste in men until we're about 30. As a result, we tend to follow our heritage down the female line. We've been doing BTB for about 3 or 4 years, and we all look forward to it. We're actually pretty organized, with each member having a Tiara, a Scrapbook, a Tote bag and also (forthcoming) BTB T-Shirts. We also have by-laws, which I'm reprinting here with permission, all rights reserved:


The By-Laws of the Boob Tube Babes™


I. The Grand Boo-Bah doesn’t care about shit.
II. You may only be a Boob if you are your own boss.
a. Nipples have no status.
b. You cannot beg and boss at the same time. Therefore, Nipples will only be considered for full Boob status when they stop begging.
III. Membership in the “Boob Tube Babes” is by invitation only.
a. Relation by blood, marriage, or choice to a Boob in good standing is enough to earn consideration for inclusion, but full Boob status must be approved by existing membership.
IV. Demotion from Boob Status to Nipple status may be imposed by the general membership.
a. Reasons for demotion include, but are not limited to:
i. A propensity to beg (see by-law IIb).
ii. Failure to dutifully care for minor children and pets in a generally acceptable manner.
iii. Failure to dutifully push said minor children out of the nest when appropriate.
V. Members-at-Large of the Boob Tube Babes are automatically included in any Boob-related activity whenever logistics permit.
VI. A Boob in good standing shall be mandated to provide full support, of whatever sort is needed, to any other member, regardless of station, at any time said support is required to meet the challenges of living.
VII. A Boob behaving like an ass shall be pulled up short by the others and told of such behavior; with the understanding that the offender may tell said "others" to kiss off, with no grudges held on either side.
VIII. All Boob Tube Babes Monthly meetings will include the following agenda:
a. A movie (which we may or may not watch, depending on how much chatting is required)
i. The Boob Tube Babes Meeting Hostess with the Mostest will have veto power over the selected movie, up to and including the banishment of “Napoleon Dynamite,” and other works of the Devil.
b. Food (which we will always eat – there’s never an excuse for not eating tasty food)
c. Attire for such meeting will the official “Boob Tube Babes” T-Shirt with accompanying Tiara.
d. Children under the age of six will be permitted to attend at the sole discretion of the membership.
IX. What happens at Boob Tubes, stays at Boob Tubes.
X. Boob Tube Babes By-Laws are always open to interpretation by the membership. Any by-law may be temporarily or permanently overturned at the sole discretion of the membership for the sake of our personal convenience, or more importantly, the inconvenience of other, less babalicious mortals.
XI. In the event there is a discussion regarding “boobs”, at no time may any member refer to them as “Jugs, Hooters, Knockers, or Funbags”.

The "Grand Boo-Bah" is my grandmother, who now lives in an assisted living facility in Northeastern Colorado, which she loves. She doesn't like to leave the facility these days, but she's with us in spirit. She's also the source of my family's hotness:



Hubba, hubba.

Last week we inducted a new member - my friend Alisa, whom we've adopted. Due to by-law number 9, I can't reveal what exactly is involved in inducting a new member, but you can be sure we were laughing our asses off the entire time.


With our busy lives, this bit of silliness gives us an opportunity to connect with each other. It's something we can look forward to and count on. Which is what family is supposed to be.

13 comments:

Anne C. said...

I love how organized you are! My group is called "Girls Night In" and sometimes includes a movie (usually fast-forwarded to "the good parts") and ALWAYS includes tasty food. We don't have hard and fast rules, but any member with a tendency towards self-deprecation or apologizing for being herself is considered in training. Oh, and there are always Cheetoes and M&Ms at every event, regardless of the formality.

Nathan said...

Why do I think my invite isn't in the mail?

Janiece Murphy said...

Sorry, Nathan - you're ill-equipped. At least I think you are.

Anne, I like you guys' rule. I may have to bring that up at the next meeting, if you don't mind my co-opting it.

Chee-to's and M&M's...Hmm...

Jim Wright said...

mmmm, boobs

Janiece Murphy said...

Jim, I knew I could count on you to elevate the discussion. Just sayin'.

Jeri said...

That reminds me of an Anchorage book club I used to belong to, although we didn't have tiaras. Are you a chapter of the Sweet Potato Queens? ;)

I like the rules. A lot. :)

Janiece Murphy said...

Jeri, I've read the SPQ books, and enjoyed them immensely. The BTB's isn't a chapter of the SPQ's, but I think it's safe to say we're kindred spirits.

Beastly said...

I'm with Jim. But hey take it easy on the Nipples. I hear they are pretty sensitive. How did members enter into the bylaws anyway I thought this was all about the boobs.

Janiece Murphy said...

Beastly, don't make me turn the hairy eyeball to NY. I'm warning you.

John the Scientist said...

OK, I've never seen Napoleon Dynamite. How bad was it?

Janiece Murphy said...

John, I think it depends on how you look at it. My Hot Cousin thinks it's a work of the Devil. My kids thought it was God-Awful. My Hot Friend The Mechanicky Gal thought it was pretty funny.

Me? I think it's "meh."

The Mechanicky Gal said...

I too have astoundingly bad taste in men! Can I be a satellite member? Do I get any nifty "Satellite Member" (or "Member-at-Large") goodies? I can get my own! Go see "Juno"!

Janiece Murphy said...

Amy, I'll bring it up to the membership!