'Tard of the Week - The Oath Keepers

Wednesday, October 21, 2009
There's a new group out there called "The Oath Keepers." Now, I have to admit that when I first heard the name, my mind immediately went to those self-righteous twits, the "Promise Keepers," but no - it's a different group.

While the Promise Keepers advocate their particular brand of Christianity (not my cup of tea, obviously, but whatever makes you a contributing member of society, I guess), the Oath Keepers are

A non-partisan association of currently serving military, reserves, National Guard, veterans, Peace Officers, and Fire Fighters who will fulfill the Oath we swore, with the support of like minded citizens who take an Oath to stand with us, to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic, so help us God. Our Oath is to the Constitution

Our motto is "Not on our watch!"

I swear I'm not making that up.

They even have a list of "Ten Orders they will Not Obey:"
"We will NOT obey any order to disarm the American people,

We will NOT obey any order to conduct warrantless searches of the American people, their homes, vehicles, papers, or effects -- such as warrantless house-to house searches for weapons or persons.


We will NOT obey any order to detain American citizens as “unlawful enemy combatants” or to subject them to trial by military tribunal.

We will NOT obey orders to impose martial law or a “state of emergency” on a state, or to enter with force into a state, without the express consent and invitation of that state’s legislature and governor.

We will NOT obey orders to invade and subjugate any state that asserts its sovereignty and declares the national government to be in violation of the compact by which that state entered the Union.

We will NOT obey any order to blockade American cities, thus turning them into giant concentration camps.

We will NOT obey any order to force American citizens into any form of detention camps under any pretext.

We will NOT obey orders to assist or support the use of any foreign troops on U.S. soil against the American people to “keep the peace” or to “maintain control” during any emergency, or under any other pretext. We will consider such use of foreign troops against our people to be an invasion and an act of war.

We will NOT obey any orders to confiscate the property of the American people, including food and other essential supplies, under any emergency pretext whatsoever.

We will NOT obey any orders which infringe on the right of the people to free speech, to peaceably assemble, and to petition their government for a redress of grievances."

Um, yeah. I'm pretty sure such orders would already be against the law and would be a gross violation of the Constitution*. I'm also pretty sure that members of the Armed Forces and law enforcement agencies have similar "oaths" phrased in the positive rather than the negative. Just sayin'.

First of all, I raise the Bullshit Flag on their claim of being "non-partisan." This movement was highlighted yesterday on that bastion of conspiracy theories and home of non-critical thought, the World Net Daily, by none other than return champion 'Tard of the Week and racist fucktard Pat Buchanan. I don't know about you, but I have to assume that an organization ole Pat supports as belonging to "real Americans" (read that: privileged white guys) is in fact conservative and/or libertarian, not "non-partisan." Not to point out the obvious, or anything, but Pat Buchanan is not exactly famous for his support of organizations that would even allow a liberal (or a Jew, or a brown person, or a yellow person, or one of the gayz, or, or, or...).

Then there's the whole premise of the group. Do these folks think they're preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse, led by Zombie Obama? Do they have any idea how nuts they sound? Their oath might as well be, "We swear to continue to hate Obama, and to uphold our white privilege with every method at our disposal, legal or not!" It seems pretty obvious (at least to me), that these whackadoodles are simply the grown up version of the crazy militias that inhabit underpopulated areas of Idaho and Montana. They're better funded, certainly, and they obviously have some level of technical and PR competence. But their core beliefs are based in a completely imaginary world-view. It's like the natural evolution of our country is so abhorrent to them, and the loss of their white privilege is so utterly frightening, they're willing to do anything to stop it. And I do mean anything. And no matter how much lipstick they put on that pig, it's still a pig, and they're still 'tards. Scary 'tards, but 'tards nevertheless.
_________________

*Yes, yes, I'm aware the extra-Constitutional activities started by the Bush administration (and, in some cases, continued by the Obama administration). Such activities absolutely need to be addressed and corrected. I just don't think a bunch of retards who can't even analyze the oaths they've already taken should be the ones to wield the baton.


Wave o' the Flag to Chez.

28 comments:

WendyB_09 said...

Great, just what we need, another right-wing nutz group, this one with federally approved weapons.

I had to check and see if any of the locally-brewed idiots (Newt and his ilk) were listed as members, but after looking at only two pages, gave up as I was in real danger of puking.

I was appalled that these people are defacing the uniforms they wear in the service of our country by placing Oath Keepers patches along side regulation insignia. What an insult to the uniform they are wearing! OMG!!!

But I guess it goes right along with their there very public oath to disobey the oaths they already swore as well as their orders.

'tards indeed.

Anne C. said...

Weird! That list of events to which they promise NOT to obey are pretty much all post-apocalyptic events. I think they've been watching too many anti-establishment Michael Bay movies (I'm thinking, The Siege which is, admittedly, not a Michael Bay movie, but still...)

Where were these guys when The Patriot Act was enacted? ;)

Janiece said...

Wendy, I must have missed the photos of the active duty wackies putting their OK crap on their uniforms. That is such a no-no. I can't wait for their CO's to find out - and introduce corrective measures. Yikes.

Anne, I KNOW! It's like they got dropped into Zombieland, or something, but without the humor (Rule 1: Cardio!).

Steve Buchheit said...

Yeah, I can't imagine and OK patch being "approved" for uniform wear. Somebody's going to be in a world of hurt.

Whackaloon quotient is going up.

WendyB_09 said...

Anne, I think it was the TV show Jericho they'd been watching, sounds like a mash of those plot-lines.

Steve Buchheit said...

Say, did I mention how I like how the 1st Amendment is last in this list, and the 2nd is first? Yeah. That's fun.

Janiece said...

If you want a real snicker, go read about what their movement ISN'T.

I couldn't even snicker behind my hand - they're just TOO OBVIOUS.

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Wow, I was out in the weld shop laughing at the misfortunes of some others - did I miss something? I didn't hear any explosions here in National City, or notice any mushroom clouds.......

vince said...

The gene pool needs some chlorine, I'm thinking.

Janiece said...

MG, clearly the problem is that YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES.

Steve Buchheit said...

"We want the Justices in the Judicial Branch to follow the Constitution as written without interpretation."

Say goodbye to the standing military as we know it. Oh, and there's that whole tax thing, I bet they have a sure fire scheme on how you don't have to pay federal income tax.

"... Constitutional Republic which the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution defined and instituted."

Um, that first one? Yeah, um, it only defined our grievances with someone who has been dead almost 200 years. While nice, and we all like to quote it, it has no weight of law.

As for most of the other dreck, yeah, I've heard that crap before. We have our own homegrown whackaloons who spout the same stuff. We put them into jail whenever we can (especially when they gun down our police officers - Massillon Ohio about four years ago).

So basically, they've stopped yearning for the glory of the Greatest Generation and instead think the Minutemen was where it was at. Join a re-enactment group, people. That'll get your pet energy out.

Eric said...

What I actually find most offensive is their admission they would betray the United States Of America couched as "patriotism." As any American who made it past elementary school ought to know, a Republican President indeed ordered American troops to "invade and subjugate any state that asserts its sovereignty and declares the national government to be in violation of the compact by which that state entered the Union" and (in furtherance of that order) had the United States Navy "order[ed] to blockade American cities".

And for giving such orders, we put The Great Emancipator on our money, thank you very much. And damn right we did, too. Mistakes like the suspension of habeas corpus aside, there's a reason Lincoln is considered one of our greatest Presidents by any American whose brain functions above the stem.

These fuckers make me sick. They aren't 'tards, Janiece, they're traitors.

Eric said...

P.S.

Believe it or not, when I became a member of the Bar I took an oath--or an affirmation, in my case--to uphold the Constitution of the United States, too. And in the inconceivably improbable event these redneck bastards' wet dreams came to pass and my dear southern state secceded (and, dear fuckers, it will not happen and can not happen, so stop rubbing yourselves while thinking about it), I know damn well whose side I'd be on.

The Union's.

Janiece said...

Eric, don't I know it. I didn't spend 17 years in uniform for these retards, with their 2nd grade understanding of civics, to come along and pretend to be the "real" patriots.

I just think it's better to poke fun at them than to take them TOO seriously.

nzforme said...

We give these people GUNS?

(Please note that their founder managed to graduate from Yale Law School and still has that "2nd grade understanding of civics." Some professors have some serious explaining to do.)

Janiece said...

nzforme, thanks for point that out. I think I just sprained my eyes.

::roll::

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...

Yale graduates don't necessarily understand how the Constitution works.

Dr. Phil

Jim Wright said...

You left out the final line of that oath:

"...unless directed to do so by a Neocon Republican Commander in Chief. Amen."

What a bunch of dishonorable scumbags. Woe betide any one of these fucks I catch wearing a OK patch on their uniforms - they're gonna meet The Warrant.

Janiece said...

I would pay good money to see that.

::snirk::

WendyB_09 said...

Me too!!

Nathan said...

If I took them at their word, they'd be scary enough. But I don't. I don't believe for a heartbeat that they'd refuse to intern every Muslim in the country, (naturalized, 1st generation, 5th generation, whatever) if there was another attack and an Executive Order (regardless of who the Executive is at the time).

I find everything about them disingenuous.

John the Scientist said...

Uh, Janiece, don't pack the libertarians in with these fucknuts. While I have a lotta beefs with the Ayn Rnad fan club, this ain't their brand of crazy. :p

Janiece said...

John, I don't know what the fuck they are. I only know they're not LIBERAL.

matt said...

Just read the manifesto for these bozos . . . Really? . . . Really? Aww come on . . . Really? Ok, I can't resist: if Stewart was so fucking smart, he should know that the declaration of independence did not define, frame or in any way govern the formation of our government. It was a statement of principle and will, setting forth grievances and announcing a secession from the existing power. Nice to know this batshit crazy thug is teaching classes on the consitution! " . . . Enforced as it was written"? The consitution was designed to adapt to the needs of the country as expressed through the will of the people. " . . . Enforce without interpretation"? That's why the supreme court exists, you ninny! Its an obscure branch of constitutional lore called CHECKS AND BALANCES!! Go back to school, you moron, and get out of the woods! Again, I'm not judgin', I'm just sayin' . . .

Janiece said...

But, but, Matt - he went to LAW SCHOOL.

::snirk::

Not disrespecting my two regulars who ALSO went to LAW SCHOOL, but really - will they have LAW SCHOOL in post-apocalyptic America?

matt said...

True, my dear, and our not so beloved former commander in chief (whose dubyaness will remain unnamed here) also graduated from an ivy league institution. This is why tenure is not always a good thing!

ben said...

MediaCurves.com conducted a study among 300 viewers of a news clip featuring the Oath Keepers organization. Results found that majority of viewers (53%) felt that armed militia groups should be outlawed in the United States. The percentage of viewers that support the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution, which protects the right to keep and bear arms, declined from 80% to 73% after viewing the video. In addition, more than one-third of the viewers (37%) reported that the existence of the Oath Keepers organization causes them to feel less safe.
http://www.mediacurves.com/Politics/J7647-OathKeepers/Index.cfm
Thanks,
Ben

Janiece said...

Welcome, Ben.

I don't know anything about "Media Curves" and their methodology, but I'm unsurprised by the results of the survey. But while I also find the Oath Keepers to be scary, I would never fail to support the 2nd Amendment no matter how insane these people are.