Call Me When There's a Zombie Apocalypse

Tuesday, September 8, 2009
For the last week in August, the NRA called the Big Yellow House twice or three times a day, every day, looking for the Smart Man. Half the time there was no agent on the line when I answered (the result of a crappy automated dialer solution*), but I finally got an agent on about day five. She asked to speak to the Smart Man, and I told her she couldn't talk to him. Also - take us off your list, because we don't accept solicitation calls. Thank you! Click.

And they continued to call. And call. And call. The first day or two I let it go, because it sometimes takes some time for crappy automated dialer solutions to get "do not call" numbers updated in their database. The agents aren't responsible for this, and it's not their fault.

But I finally got sick of seeing them on my caller ID, and answered the phone. The agent asked to speak to the Smart Man, and I responded with, no, you can't speak to him, and I've already asked that you take us off your calling list. Her response? "I can update our records, but are you aware that this is the NRA?" (Emphasis hers). My response? "Uh, yeah. I can see it on my caller ID." Click.

Seriously? Did she honestly think that when I heard it was the NRA that I would say, "Oh, well. THAT's all right, then." Not fucking likely. Being a fan girl of the Constitution and all, I'm 100% in favor of people's rights to bear arms. But their lobbyists piss me the hell off, and I don't care for how they've subverted our political process for their narrow agenda. I'm all about a dose of common sense in my policy discussions, and as the Smart Man notes, no civilian needs an AK47 or an M60.

Until the Zombie Apocalypse, that is. THEN the NRA can call me.


*Why, yes - I do design automated dialer systems as part of my job. Just not the crappy ones. Please don't hate me.

9 comments:

Carol Elaine said...

Doesn't everyone in Parker take calls from the NRA? I thought it was, like, the law there or something. Especially considering the voting tendencies of your neighbors. The woman just didn't know how to handle a "No" from a Parker citizen.

That said, if they call a third time, that qualifies as harassment. I told that to an AT&T rep after telling them to put me on their "Do Not Call" list and that if I heard from them a fourth time, they would be hearing from a lawyer. Over ten years later and I still haven't received a call from them.

WendyB_09 said...

When I finally get hold of a live person, I start by asking, in my best pissed-off voice - HOW did you get my number???

No matter what they say, I keep repeating that one question until I get an answer. Sometimes I even add "this is an unpublished number, how did you get it?" Frequently they just hang up, as I'm obviously going to be trouble.

I then tell (not ask) them to remove my number from their list. Usually the person says they can't do that, so I'll start immediately asking to speak with a supervisor. I very rarely get to speak to the supervisor, they just hang up and don't call back.

The really annoying one last year was this odd out-of-state number that kept coming up multiple times a day for weeks, but never when I was home. When they finally called and I answered, I'm like - who the hell are you people and why are you filling up my caller-ID every day... um, ma'm, we're AT&T, your phone carrier...Well, then your caller ID should say that. Oh, we wanted to let you know about...oh, you wanted nothing I want and have annoyed me for weeks, you have both my home address and email address, do not call me back. Click.

Funny, they haven't called back since. And here is the kicker...it was obvious these people they were not based in the US!!

WHAT???

Carol Elaine, you cross-posted while I was typing, and I see you've been annoyed by AT&T as well. ARGH!! Idiots.

Carol Elaine said...

Wendy, AT&T has pissed me off several times, including slamming my long distance many moons ago. It is for that reason that I will most likely never get an iPhone, unless another carrier is allowed to sell it. They will never get a cent from me.

Eric said...

Maybe it was a veiled threat, Janiece.

"Do you know this is the NRA? We will send Charlton Heston's undead corpse, resurrected by foul necromantic energies, to your house to shoot it up real good."

My suggestion if they don't take the hint and actually call again? Talk to them. No, I mean have some fun with it. "Oo! The NRA? Can you help me? They haven't let me have any of my guns since the last time I was released from the state psychiatric ward. Shoot one stupid city councilman because he's plotting with the molemen and shooting mind control rays into your septic tank, and those stupid anti-Second Amendment communists say you can't have your guns anymore. I want you to write a letter to the President right now--no, not President Obama, I mean the President of Proctor And Gamble, he keeps looking at me whenever I try to watch TV...."

Eric said...

Or you can try a variation of this classic. This really is one of the all-time greats (if you've never heard it, you MUST listen, and it's always a repeat if you HAVE heard it).

Steve Buchheit said...

"Oh, this is the NRA? Well then, don't just stop calling, please drop dead."

Yeah, I get those NRA calls as well. Tell you what, NRA, stop the "First Freedom" crap and I might start to listen. You're #2 (and #1 has a bunch of sub-paragraphs). And just because I know how to shoot doesn't mean I a whack job, it just means I know how to hit what I'm aiming at.

mom in northern said...

Eric
It is really hard to listen to the piece about the dead guy you are refering too. I get to laughing so hard...you are right it is a real classic. I had not heard it for some time...thanks.

CW said...

"...no civilian needs an AK47 or an M60.
Until the Zombie Apocalypse, that is. THEN the NRA can call me."

Uh, nobody needs anything, whether it is penicillin, dental floss, or an M60, until they need it. You don't always know exactly when you're going to need something.

Every time I hear the "no civilian needs a (fill in evil gun type of choice here)", it reminds me of stories told to me by friends in Croatia.

They told me how they thought they'd never need a gun either, until an army (that used to be THEIR army, but wasn't any more) came into their town, raped and murdered their family, and took away everything they had ever worked for. Then those same nice people who had never thought they'd need a gun suddenly discovered they needed tanks. And lots and lots of people died until they managed to come up with some guns and tanks and sort it out.

Want a scenario closer to home? I heard almost exactly the same story from people who lived in LA during the Rodney King riots. I know Korean-Americans whose lives were saved by 30 round magazines.

Janiece said...

CW, then I'm sure you'll feel free to join and support the NRA, as is your right.

Just as it's my right to tell them to fuck off because I don't agree with some of their goals and most of their methods.