The Value of Time

Friday, January 8, 2010
Time is the only truly limited resource. With every other resource, you can find another way to do things (solar/wind energy versus carbon fuels), but with time, there's simply no other way to get more. Every person is limited to 24 hours in a day, and how they use those hours helps to define them as people, and determines what they can accomplish.

Which is why it PISSES ME THE HELL OFF WHEN PEOPLE ARE CHRONICALLY LATE.

Seriously. If you call a meeting for purposes of your own, please make sure you actually SHOW UP. ON TIME. When you don't, you're sending a message to the individuals you've included that you don't value their time, and that your own idiosyncrasies are more important than their limited resources. No one likes to feel disrespected, and make no mistake, by failing to show up when you've said you will, you're disrespecting the people to whom you've made the commitment.

This is true in social engagements, also. In fact, I would argue that it's MORE important to be on time for people with whom you have a personal relationship. When I have a friend who can't be on time when we make plans, the result ends up being that I don't make plans with that person as often. Their lateness offends me and pisses me off, and I can't see why I should set myself up for that grief.  

My birth family is pretty obsessive about being on time (the legacy of a Marine father). We're almost always early, and if I actually show up on time, I FEEL like I'm late.

Why is this so hard?

20 comments:

mfheadcase said...

**Wry grin** Could you be a sister of mine i have somehow lost track of? For most people in my direct family, anything less than 15 to 30 minutes early feels late.

If circumstances make that impossible we generally call, forex the occasional time when i am 45 minutes into a 30 minute trip and less than halfway to my destination.

Though in that example i was still the first one there, besides the host, and no one else ran into traffic from hell. Go figure.

WendyB_09 said...

I've always joked that I was born two weeks late and trying to catch up ever since.

However, as a supposedly responsible adult I am expected to be places on time. Now that I ride public transit I have to put extra time and effort into researching bus/train schedules to make sure I can get where I want when I want to. This is especially important as they just reduced service in my neighborhood. I frequently leave the house much earlier than I'd like to. Occassionally MARTA will have an issue, but as those are public I make no apology other than a simple comment about the train or bus being late/broken down.

Yet still I manage to get to most events on time or early. I'm constantly amazed at the number of people that show up well after me to any given event (with little or no apology) and are amazed that I'm there at all.

Folks, I'm carless not mannerless or brainless. Of course, these are the same people that always want to know when I'm getting a car...

Anne C. said...

My uncle is almost never late (five years ago, I could have said never, but he is well into his seventies and if he remembers to come at all, I am overjoyed). I once arrived much earlier than he and it put him off kilter for much of our time together that day. He apologized profusely for keeping me waiting, even though he had been on time and I had been early. Ever since then, for some people, I make sure to arrive only on time for, not early, as it upsets their sense of order.

I grew up with a father who was chronically late, mainly because he didn't like wasting time, so he'd start a 15 minute project when we only had 10 minutes before we left. I used to do the same thing until I decided that making sure my friends felt cared for was more important that how much I got accomplished in a day.

I am a recovering late person, which means that sometimes I slip up -- like leaving the office early (*impossible*) and making sure I don't have to gas up on the way to something important. But, I have found some great mitigations. If I think I'm going to be late to meet a friend, I pick him or her up at their house. That way, if work runs long, I can just call ahead and they can be doing things in the comfort of their own home. Carrying a book at all times in case I have to wait myself means that I never begrudge anyone else the time.

I'm the opposite of you though.
When I'm working, however, it irritates me more to wait for someone. At work I ALWAYS have something that needs to be done and I should be working on. In my personal life, I enjoy my leisurely reading while waiting.

Random Michelle K said...

My father will probably be late for his own funeral. In high school I flat out lied to him about what time I needed to be somewhere, telling him a time fifteen or twenty minutes earlier than the scheduled time.

And I'd still sometimes be late.

Because of that I hate hate HATE being late for anything. I find it horrifying and mortifying.

But as far as waiting for other people? Like Anne, I just carry a book around and am pleasantly surprised if people show up on time.

Janiece said...

Anne, I don't mind waiting for someone if I'm early and they're on time. That's why I carry my Kindle or my iPod with an audiobook, so I don't waste the time.

It's the feeling that my friends or family don't care enough about me to be on time that gets me wrapped around the axle. Which is why (of course) I'm horrified on the rare occasions when I myself am late.

IT'S HORRIFYING.

annette said...

Just FYI - as someone that struggled with lateness and hated myself for it, I found the following 'reason' seemed valid and have since proven its value.

I heard somewhere that people that were usually late most often were focused on the "time" of the event rather than the "time" needed to leave to make it on time to the event.

To get to work by 7:30am - I have to focus on 7am being the time I need to leave to get there by 7:30am. As long as I'm thinking about 7:30am that remains my deadline vs. by thinking 7:00am, even if I miss it I still have more time available to meet the 7:30 deadline. Does that make sense? (Those of you that are always on time are now thinking, well duh!)

I also find having the old, non-digital clock really helps me. There's a big difference (for those of us with time issues) between looking at the digital time of 6:55am vs. seeing the little hand has almost reached the hour mark and registering I have less than 5 minutes! (Kind of like advertising something for $1.99 vs. $2.00.)

For my digital clocks I always set them fast by an odd number of minutes, anything from 3, 7, sometimes 12 minutes. For those folks now thinking "what's your point if you know the clock is fast?" The point is it makes me think about time and figure out what time it really is, how much time I have left, etc... it makes me conscious of time.

For those of you with friends and family that are 'late' - ask them about the above scenario (thinking about time of event vs. time needed to leave) and see how many of them have the same 'problem'.

From personal experience I can almost guarantee that if someone cares enough to make this change (not everyone does) that by implementing this change in thinking, folks can stop being late. I would like to say I am now the one on time for things, and often early.

For those of you innately on time - I'd almost bet you think about the time you need to leave by default. For those of us without that innate ability - being made aware of the process involved can solve the problem.

Got kids that are always late? Tell them they need to be ready at a time earlier than the event (don't lie about the time of the event - stress when they need to be ready). Don't tell them the party is at 2pm - tell them they need to be ready to leave by 1:30pm. It works!

Making plans to meet a friend for dinner that is usually late? Focus them on the time they need to leave to meet you - include it in the conversation to make them aware of it (so you'll be leaving at 6:30 and we'll meet at 7?). Those of you that are always on time may think this is ridiculous but I'm telling you - folks that are late are not usually deliberately dissing you. They just don't think about time in a manner that allows them to be on time. Help them!

I used to always joke I was born two weeks early and had been late for everything since! My mother used to say I'd be late for my own funeral.... etc... The key event for me that made me figure out my 'problem' was when I arrived late for a wedding and had the choice of walking up the aisle behind the bride or waiting outside and missing the ceremony. I missed the ceremony and determined never to be late again. So far, so good! But I do have to think about it - alot!

Folks that are late for meetings? Again, I'll make you money it's because they leave for the meeting at the time it is scheduled to begin (so much for that 15 minute reminder!).

Hope this helps those of you that are always 'on time' with a better understanding of why some of us might be running late. For those of you always running late - there is a fix for the problem. You just have to want to make the change. Happy 2010!

Venus Vaughn said...

I hate to admit this in public (especially in this company), but I am one of the chronically late.

It's nothing to do with disrespecting the time of others, it's about not understanding time myself. I always think it will take less time to finish up whatever I'm doing than it does. And frankly, in the morning, when I'm still asleep, time makes NO sense to me.

If I have it in my head that I need to be somewhere by 9:00, then 9:00 is the number that sticks in my head as mattering. If it takes 20 minutes to get there, 8:40 is not an important number to me. But as 8:50 creeps up, I start thinking, oh no, it's time to hurry.

Seriously.

Add in the whole island thing, and, well, we'd just never get along.

Janiece said...

Welcome, Annette.

I appreciate you taking the time to explain this. As you note, most of what you say really is a 'duh' thing for me - it never occurred to me to consider anything but the time I'm supposed to leave.

Venus, I do understand the "island time" phenomenon. I lived the Philippines for a couple of years, where it's also prevalent. So I do take cultural differences into account.

However, I do have to point out that even though your don't mean to disrespect those for whom you're always late, that doesn't change the action. The bottom line is that if you and I agree to meet, and I'm on time and you're not, you're making me wait. There's really no other way for me interpret that event other than you think your time is more valuable than mine. Please note that I don't think that necessarily implies ill-intent. Just carelessness in terms of your treatment of my time. Does that make sense?

annette said...

I do understand the 'disrespect' involved. Perhaps I feel it even more than most since it takes such an effort on my part to BE on time!? -grin-

Guess I'm just hoping we have the opportunity to help both sides of the coin on this issue. Those of you with the innate skill to be on time can understand and help those of us that don't by explaining the trick of the matter.

Focus on the time you need to leave - that's your target - NOT the time you need to be there.

Sadly, there are those that just won't care to make the change. For those folks - next time they show up late - don't be waiting for them, start the meeting without them, or whatever needs to be done.

Time is one thing that doesn't even really exist except as a matter of recognized measure. No one has time - you have to make it.

Since time is something you make it is of even more value, especially when shared. Don't let someone waste your time... (and the list of truisms goes on!).

Venus Vaughn said...

Janiece,

It certainly makes sense, because time is something that MATTERS to _you_. And it matters to a lot of other people as well. It's never been something that matters a lot to me.

It's like when new couples get together and have to negotiate all the things that the other person cares about. Wearing shoes on the carpet vs having a mess of shoes at the door. Doing the dishes right after each meal, vs leaving them til the end of the night.

If time isn't something that matters to me (like dishes in the sink), it would never occur to me that my treatment of it would be enough to cause an emotional reaction in you. Unfortunately, with things like timekeeping, for someone like me, I only find out how important it is to you after the fact.

As the late person though, I'd never expect you to wait on any activity for me. Honestly. Go ahead and do your thing, I'll catch up.

Janiece said...

Venus, I understand what you're getting at. You're correct that timeliness does indeed matter to me. I try not to push my values onto others, but I also feel like I have an obligation to let the people in my life know when they make me feel bad.

So if we ever meet in meat-space, I'll bring a book and try not to take it personally if you're late. :-)

Venus Vaughn said...

*lol* screw that, just lie to me.

If you care about me being on time, care enough to lie to me :) That's one time I don't mind being lied to.

MWT said...

You would've liked my first boss. He was known as a strict disciplinarian who was impossible to work for - but really, what it actually boiled down to was "be on time." (And start early. He was an early riser too, and until he met me couldn't grasp the concept that night owls could be just as good and hard-working at their jobs as the early risers. I felt very honored when he eventually decided to let me come in at 9am instead of 8am, and it surprised the hell out of everyone else.)

My mother's sense of time seems to be as Annette describes. It's like the travel time somehow doesn't count. I had to learn how to work out that clock thing on my own. ;)

I've also been in various groups (social and otherwise) that were chronically late together. You just got used to it. If the stated start time was 2pm, you knew in advance nobody else would be there so you don't bother to show up either until 2:15 or so, and even then sometimes you're still early. In fact, I have vague memories of a formal wedding-related banquet or something that was like that - the host specifically told the chronically late guests that it would start an hour earlier than she told everyone else. Almost worked. ;) Except that then the various guests compared notes... Then there's one of my current offline friends who always apologizes profusely, but I've learned to not bother being on time because I'll still somehow manage to get there first.

And finally... my first response to your opening paragraph was going to be: "sure there's a way to get more time. Do less stuff. ;)" Most people cram way too much into their schedules, in my opinion, and never have time to relax, unwind, and think about life/universe/everything. Then they stop sleeping and get stressed out and develop daily migraines and such.

Random Michelle K said...

Although the "getting there" explanation makes sense, I think that for people like my Dad, it's just hopeless.

He loses track of time, gets distracted, etc.

I know he doesn't mean it, and I know he tries to be on time, but I discovered it's just easier for me to assume he's going to be late, and adjust my expectations accordingly.

I have a friend who is the exact same way--she tries and tries and tries to be on time, but something always happens and she ends up late. She's also a night owl, which exacerbates the problem in the morning.

I've also noticed my grandmother is getting bad at judging "getting ready" time. She is slowing down, but this "getting ready" time was set at a time when she was younger and moved more quickly.

Now what DOES piss me off is when I have the first appointment of the day, and they still take me late at the dentist.

Interestingly, my parents moved outside the city limits before I got my driver's license, so my "travel time" is set at ~20 minutes--even though I currently live about 5 minutes away from everything.

Janiece said...

MWT, could you be referring to a mutual friend? Hmm?

Hehe.

You do have a point. I'm actually pretty good at not over-scheduling myself, as that, along with getting enough exercise and rest, appears to be my single greatest stress management tool.

Anne C. said...

I do agree with annette on one of the potential reason for lateness. It was, in fact, my route to reform to fix in my head Time to Leave (plus I started arbitrarily adding 5-10-15 minutes to travel time, just in case something came up at the last minute and I left a few minutes later than planned or I ran into traffic, etc.). My old methods were fine when I was dealing with my family (who grew up in the same lax time schedule that I did) but when I started hanging out with ex-military, I knew I needed to change priorities pronto.
My dad's problem isn't travel time, it's that he gets focused in on a task AND he over schedules like crazy. For him it's because he has so many ideas about what he wants to do with his time. If he could clone himself, he probably would.

There was a time that I was arriving late *every time* to meet Janiece (I was lucky that she liked me enough not to rip me a new one ;) and I figured out that I had the travel time wrong in my brain for some reason. It took a mental brain wipe to reset my memory banks.

Oh, and by the way? Do. Not. Arrive. Early. To. My. Parties. (unless you're a relative or a very close friend.) It's hard enough to get things done in time without guests arriving early to make my prep time even shorter. On time? Acceptable. Early with notice? Acceptable. Otherwise, I'd MUCH rather you be late than early.

Cindi in CO said...

J., do you remember the time our family arrived at a wedding reception in Evergreen, I think, and we were literally the ONLY ONES THERE, because we were so early? I was mortified at the time, but I'm chronically punctual now.

Heh.

Janiece said...

Anne, I'll try not to be early to your house. I promise. :-)

Cindi, I do remember that.

Hehe.

Anne C. said...

Thanks, Janiece, I appreciate that. :)

Cindi, your story reminds me of the time I went to a wedding a day early. Thought it was on Saturday, but it turned out to be Sunday. At least I knew what I was going to wear and where exactly it was being held!

Ilya said...

I'd like to belatedly offer that in a corporate environment, with back-to-back meetings stretching across the entire business day, it is sometimes simply impossible not to be late. You can't really tell a senior boss that you've had enough with his meeting because a meeting that you yourself set up is about to start...

I have a [un]healthy reputation among my friends and co-workers for being anal about punctuality, but even I can't help starting a fair share of meetings with "My apologies for being late, I couldn't get out of my prior meeting"...

Other than that, I almost entirely agree with your point of view, Janiece.