Conversations with Karma - Senator Roy Ashburn

Thursday, March 4, 2010
**Ring, Ring**

Unidentified Female: Senator Ashburn's office. How may I help you?

Karma:  Hello. I'd like to speak to Senator Ashburn, please. This is Karma.

UF: Karma who?

K: ::sigh::  No last name. Just Karma.

UF: I'll see if he'll take your call.

Senator Roy Ashburn: Hello? This is Senator Ashburn.

K: Senator! Hello! This is Karma, and I've come to call on you!

RA: I don't know any Karma, and I'm very busy today. What do you want?

K: You may not know me, but as with many "Family Values" Republicans, I know you. I'm the eastern idea that you will receive your punishment or reward for your deeds. You know...what comes around goes around, people get what they deserve.

RA: Whatever. Listen I have appointments all day with my strategy team. What do you want?

K: World peace?

RA: Everyone's a comedian. I'm hanging up, now.

K: Just kidding, just kidding. Although I am quite the humorist. I'm actually calling because I wanted to make sure you understood my latest undertaking on your behalf. What did you think?

RA: That was you? How dare you! My entire political career is on the skids!

K: Yeah. Funny how that works. Did you notice the irony? I thought it was FABULOUS how you, a notorious anti-gay legislator, not only got cited for DWI, but did so coming out of a GAY NIGHTCLUB with an UNIDENTIFIED MAN. ::wink, wink::

RA: ARGH!

K: Yeah, I owed the California gay community a little schaenfreude after that Proposition 8 debacle. They're having a FIELD DAY with this.

RA: ARGH!

K: You can stop saying that, now. I think it's fairly evident that now everyone knows you got caught with your pants down. Hehe. See - THAT was funny. Bazinga!

RA: This is NOT FUNNY. My entire political career is in jeopardy! 

K: Actually it is funny, in a wonderfully appropriate way. See, you dissed the gay community, essentially treating them as less than human, and now you're being seen as SECRETLY GAY. HAHAHAHA. In a STATE OWNED VEHICLE. I kill me.

RA: My life is ruined. You bastard.

K: Actually, I prefer the term "bitch," although I'm kind of asexual. And I'd like to point out that your life wouldn't be "ruined" if you hadn't been a huge, unmitigated, hateful hypocrite. Really, Roy - no one gives a good goddamn who you boink. It's the fact that you're so notorious for your anti-gay activism, followed by this incident, that reveals your true colors. 

RA: I don't have any "true colors" except for RED. I'm a REPUBLICAN. And I'm NOT GAY.

K: Whatever. You guys make this so frickin' easy, I feel like I should give back part of my salary. Well, I'm off to Washington, DC, to help the Democrats with their little Reconciliation project. The Republicans really pissed me off during the Bush administration, so I'm using the Health Care Reform process to take care that. Plus, it's just the RIGHT THING TO DO.

RA: I'M NOT GAY!

K: Whatever you have to tell yourself, dude.

::click::

5 comments:

vince said...

I hope every gay person who ever had a relationship with the good senator comes out of the woodwork to nail his ass. I have a major problem with hypocrites, but I purely DESPISE hypocritical politicians.

Even if hypocritical is practically a synonym for politician.

Let the spin begin.

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...

Research. It was all for research I tell you. Know your enemy. Walk a mile in their shoes. Be thy brother's keeper. Love your fellow man. Oh nevermind!

Dr. Phil

nzforme said...

I'm basking in the happy glow of schadenfreude.

mfheadcase said...

Hell, this just makes me sad, the level of self hatred Ashburn must have to be continually campaigning against equal rights for himself.

Poor bastard, with his hypocrisy exposed, will he simply stay i the closet, despite the door having fallen off its hinges, enter "treatment to "cure" his apparent homosexuality?

Or hell, he just may finally break with that part of his party's ideology and ally himself with the log cabin republicans. A group that seems more than a little self destructive, with the tendencies of their party as a whole, but at least they are honest.

Its a shame that i figure the odds to be 49.5% for each of the first two options with 1% remaining for being honest or any similar option.

neurondoc said...

Self-hatred must be very painful. However, on my part, being a nice straight female who is all for same sex marriage, I find the schadenfeude to be rather delicious.