Conversations with Karma - Paris Hilton

Saturday, December 29, 2007
*ring, ring*

Paris Hilton: Hello?

Karma: Hello, Paris. This is Karma.

PH: Karma? Karma who? How did you get this number?

K: Karma. The eastern idea that you will receive your punishment or reward for your deeds. You know...what comes around goes around, people get what they deserve? Karma. And I have everyone's number.

PH: That's hot.

K: Um...okay. Listen, I'm calling to let you know that your granddad Barron has decided to give 97% of the family fortune to charity.

PH: What?!

K: Yeah. He's decided to donate $2.231 billion to the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation to fund clean water in Africa, education for blind children, and housing for the mentally ill.

PH: But, but...what will I live on?

K: Well, that still leaves $69 million of his personal wealth. Surely you and the rest of the family can find a way to live on $69 million.

PH: What do you mean, the rest of the family? We're talking about me. And why do those Africans and blind children need so much? Don't they know how much a Louis Vuitton bag costs?

K: They probably don't. I think they're more interested in having enough to eat and avoiding amoebic dysentery. I thought you had earned over $15 million in your own right in the last few years. Surely you can live off of that. Or you could, you know, get a job.

PH: This is no time for jokes!

K: I'm not really joking. Millions of people do it, you know.

PH: I don't have time for a job. I have to call my publicist. And my lawyer. And my astrologer.

K: Yeah. Good luck with that.

*click*

8 comments:

Nathan said...

I'm gonna totally confuse "Conversations with Karma" with "Who Cares? Magazine". My head hurts.

Thanks Janiece. Now I gotta go lie down.

Janiece Murphy said...

Nah. You'll figure it out. 'Cause you're a Smart Man.

Nathan said...

I would have emailed you but I couldn't find a link on your profile.

I've knuckled under. Yes, I'm a blogger now. I'm using it to put up chapters of a book I've never finished writing. Go look!!

There's No Crying in the War Room

Janiece Murphy said...

I've linked your blog in, Nathan. And you're right - there's no e:mail address on my blog because if I want someone to have the address, I'll usually supply it by some other means. You can get mine from Jim, if you wish, and he's willing to give it up. State secrets and all that. Hehe.

I'll read the first chapter when I get a minute, and provide pithy and on-topic commentary. Right. Pithy, probably, on-topic, we'll see.

Welcome!

Jeri said...

I think you're giving Paris more credit for coherence than she deserves. ;)

But it is too funny! If only karma were a democratic thing - we could vote for karmic consequences to come to pass.

Boy, the world would be busy!

And Nathan - yeah! :)

Becca said...

Fantastically f'ing funny!

How is that for three f's? :-)

Thanks for the smile!

Now do a karmic conversation for the idiots who assasinated Bhutto. What a shame. She had potential to change things in Pakistan. Gone before her time.

Janiece Murphy said...

Glad you enjoyed it, ladies. "Conversations with Karma" will probably be a regular feature, but I'll need to wait until Karma does her business in order to give me some fodder.

Becca, I agree - the assasination of Bhutto was nothing but bad news for Pakistan.

Anne C. said...

I love the line: And I have everyone's number.

PH: That's hot.


You are too funny!