Quit Asking or I'll Hit You in the Face with a Shovel

Thursday, August 12, 2010
When people won't take 'no' for answer, they're trying to control you.

Whenever someone asks me to do something I don't want to do, and I say "no," I have to keep this truism in mind. Mostly because I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to say no. If I can perform a task for someone, I usually like to do so, especially if it leads to an outcome that will make me satisfied or happy. So if I say 'no,' there's a pretty good reason - usually it's because I have a previous commitment that will not allow me to commit the hours necessary to the new task. And occasionally, it's because I simply don't want to, which is also a perfectly valid reason.

But that doesn't stop some people from asking again. And again. And AGAIN, until I tell them to fuck off and never darken my doorstep again.

Now, I understand it's okay for people to try and convince me that their priorities should be my priorities. Negotiation and influence are part of the human condition. So it's not like I'll bite their face off and dig their eye out with fork if I initially say 'no' and they make an attempt to convince me to change my mind.

But if they make their case, and I tell them the answer is still 'no' because I believe my reasons for answering that way are still valid, they should do us both a favor and drop the subject. Because if they don't, I'll take their insistence as an attempt to control me. And make no mistake - that's exactly what it is. Since time is pretty much the only thing we can't get any more of, when someone insists I should shove aside my own priorities and desires and spend my time the way they want me to, they're implying their priorities and desires are more important than mine.

So my response to this bit of disrespect is probably going to eventually head into ugly territory. How fast it goes there depends on how much I like the person, what I feel I owe them from a relationship point of view, how often they've pulled this little maneuver, and how ridiculous their request is.

As my Hot Mom used to say - "no" is complete sentence. Get over it.

4 comments:

vince said...

This occasionally happens to me, and in a snarky voice my reply is "What part of 'no' don't you understand?" Not original, but it works.

Carol Elaine said...

Most of the people I deal with do take "no" for an answer, but I have one friend who likes to push and push. I think the only reason we've stayed friends (and very good friends at that) is that he's basically a really good guy who sometimes has issues with boundaries. And, over the last 10+ years, he's learned that, when I say no, I mean it. And pushing me harder will just cause me to dig my heels in even more and snap at him. Apparently, when I get to the point where I'm snapping at those close to me, I can get a little vicious, which is why I try to avoid that whenever possible.

Oddly enough, his friendship is one of the things that taught me that I can tell someone "no" and the friendship won't end. Hell, sometimes it gets stronger because, while I'll go to the ends of the earth for him on the big things and he'll do the same for me, we know where our limits are on the little things. That's very important.

桂江江江江宸 said...
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Janiece said...

*TONG*