Things That Suggest You May Be a Willful Moron*

Monday, May 2, 2011
  1. You believe you're genetically superior to someone else based solely on the color of your skin. If you truly believe this, you probably do have a genetic legacy of some sort, but I'd suggest it's not what you think it is.

  2. You believe vaccinations cause autism, and that there's some sort of grand conspiracy involving the federal government, the pharmaceutical companies and the medical establishment to keep the TRUTH from the masses. Because evidently what people who have dedicated their lives to public health really want is to embrace infant cognitive injury as a means to "get rich quick." No. Just...no.

  3. You think evolution couldn't possibly be true because it's "just a theory." Really? I'm sorry, but if you can't define a term, you shouldn't use it. Or have an opinion about it. Please go back to High School for a basic definition of the Scientific Method, including the meaning of the word "theory" in this context. Or you can start declining antibiotics and antivirals because germs are "just a theory."

  4. You're convinced the President is actually in office as a result of some sort of Manchurian Candidate conspiracy because he was actually born outside the United States, I don't care what his birth certificate says. Cognitive dissonance for the win!

  5. You believe we didn't really land on the Moon. Because nothing says "Let's win the cold war" like a huge fraud that would almost certainly be found out by the former Soviet Union.

  6. You think homosexuality is a "choice," and that means Teh Gayz aren't entitled to the same rights and protections as other human beings. Won't the Smart Man be disappointed when I "choose" to be a lesbian moving forward so I can be discriminated against and vilified by the religious right. I've got to get me some of that!

  7. You think homeopathy is a real scientific discipline. Water. It's water.
Feel free to add to the list, Hot chicks and smart men. Piling on the Willful Morons is my new favorite activity.

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*You know how I was thinking about breaking up with my casual friends whose political beliefs were so retarded I couldn't see myself continuing the relationship? Well, John Scalzi made a random comment over at Whatever about a list of Things that Suggest you may be a Willful Moron, and I fell in love with the idea. Love, love, love. So I STOLE IT, like the plagiarizing git that I am. I'm sure if he objects I'll get some sort of cease and desist note.

9 comments:

Warner (aka ntsc) said...

You believe every word of the Bible is literally true. - which version?

David said...

Any use of the phrase "activist judges" that is not clearly labeled as satire.

Matt said...

You manage to turn the details of any event in to proof that the president is a) a muslim b)not a natural born citizen or c)part of any other conspiracy against the United States. My favorite from this morning, posted by a troglodyte on facebook: The fact that Bin Laden was buried at sea proves that Barack Obama is a muslim. How else would he know about muslim burial rites?

Random Michelle K said...

As my friend Brian often says, "I chose to become gay because I couldn't get enough people to hate me just for my personality."

Dr. Phil (Physics) said...

If you slam a current politician for doing the very same things that you (a) advocated, (b) voted for and (c) your hero did in office -- just because you don't like the new guy's politics or skin color.

OR

You somehow see "compromise" as a horrid word which should never be used in the halls of government "by the people".

Dr. Phil

Thordr said...

You think that World Trade Center 1, 2 and 7 came down from explosives planted in the building, but you sure are glad bin Laden was killed, you might be a tard.

sebuss
sebuss go

filelalaine said...

if you believe that the bank bailouts were for the good of the country. and that tax breaks for the rich will save the economy.

Janiece said...

Welcome filelalaine.

Everyone wins a cookie, since you kept the home fires burning while I was here in Kansas City.

Karen said...

If you believe that Scientology exists for any purpose other than the accumulation of wealth gained by telling fairy tales in secret ceremonies.