'Tard of the Week - The Abstinence Clowns

Tuesday, March 17, 2009
This week's 'tard is an abstinence-only sex education program sponsored by Elizabeth's New Life Center, a Christian organization receiving federal monies to "teach" kids about sex. Their program for doing so is to hire a clown.

No, I'm not making that up, and the title of this post isn't rhetorical.

Derek Dye is billed as "Motivational Speaker" and a "Nationally Certified Abstinence Educator," (a contradiction in terms if I ever heard one), and he's an Abstinence Clown. His gig is to use juggling to teach kids to just SAY NO to their normal biological imperatives, rather than give them actionable, scientifically accurate information about their bodies, emotional state, and risk. Knowledge evidently isn't power when you're an abstinence clown - but fear certainly appears to be.

He tells the kids he "teaches" that having premarital sex is akin to juggling machetes over a prostrate child.

Um, what?

The simile completely escapes me. How, exactly, is juggling machetes over a prostrate child like having informed, consensual, premarital sex?

While both activities involve risk, I think you could make an argument that any adult activity has some level of risk. Assessing that risk and making informed, mature choices about it is part of becoming a functioning, self-sufficient adult. Putting your fingers in your ears and singing "Lalalala - I can't hear you!" isn't risk abatement, and it doesn't work.

And juggling machetes over a prostrate child is just stupid, and anyone choosing to perform such an act would likely need a team of psychiatrists to address their deep-seated issues. I don't think you can say the same about premarital sex. Using the comparison is simply time-honored conservative fear-mongering, and I'm quite sure most of those kids realize they're being shamelessly manipulated.

I don't understand what this clown thinks he's accomplishing with this, and I don't think it's because I'm a 'tard.


Clang of the chastity belt to SciencePunk.

7 comments:

Eric said...

(Please insert joke about manipulating balls that I'm too lazy to think up right now. Snortle at it. Thank you. Next comment, please?)

:-)

mattw said...

Does he show the kids how they can use condoms to make baloon animals instead of their intended purpose?

Jim Wright said...

Clown Sex.

Those kids are going to need therapy for a long, long time.

Of course, it does go a long way toward explaining republicans...

Janiece Murphy said...

Hee! I wonder if the Abstinence Clown is a "Happy" clown or a "Sad" clown.

Sad Abstinence Clown is sad.

Happy Abstinence Clown is...well, sad.

Eric said...

Hey, Absintence Clown, is that a juggling pin in your pocket, or...?

Wendy said...

OH, that made me think...someone sent me a file last week that was pastel colored condom balloon animals having sex.

Besides that, I wonder what my cousin, a professional clown, would think of that crapola. as in load of elephant shit!

Steve Buchheit said...

Well, they're surely juggling machetes over prostrate babies because all premarital sex results in pregnancy that always leads to abortion for those kids. You know, unless you parents are the paragons of social conservative society and then you get to keep the kids vowing to marry the baby's Dad, then to toss him aside as the idiot he is.

All this unless you learn actual biology and the mechanics and use of birth control devices.

But then, as I've stated elsewhere, this argument isn't about birth control and abortion. It's about feminism and the equality of women. Only when we go back to the rhythm method as the only major birth control can we roll back the clock to before free sex and empowered women.

Or at least that's how they think.