Internal Work Conversations - The 2nd Coming of the Ebola Project

Monday, April 6, 2009
Me: I hate this damn project. This is the 18th iteration of my design, and I still have no idea if they're any closer to selling the fucking thing.

Myself: You said it, sister. It's the second coming of the Ebola project. Without the anti-viral medication.

Me: I know! And now they want me to design it around a software load that's not yet generally available. And you know what that means.

Myself: Why yes, I do. It means the new capacity tables aren't loaded into the configuration tool, so I have to jury-gig it to get the correct algorithms to run against the traffic flow. Otherwise, the DSP count will be off, and the correct number of licenses will have to be manually calculated...

Me:
Will you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to determine the correct Erlang load per IP station.

Myself: Don't mess with the average hold time, or the busy hour call completion calculation will be off.

Me: I know! Christ, I've only been doing this for 8 years, I think I know the variables by now! Why do you think I need reminding?

Myself: Because you have Mad Cow?

Me:
Oh. That.

Myself: Yes, that. Don't forget you have to calculate the load for all 134 locations.

Me: I'd rather stick a fork in my eye. You realize this work will have to be done again once the new capacities are supported in the tool?

Myself: Don't remind me. But that's why they pay us the big bucks. With benefits!

Me: Why don't you make yourself useful and go get us a drink?

Myself: Because it's only 4:00 p.m.

Me: Would you inject me with Ebola, then?

Myself: That I can arrange.

9 comments:

Jeri said...

I love it when you talk dirty to me.

And your employer's software releases that are not yet GA (and usually undocumented) are a little scary to work with. Brave woman.

John the Scientist said...

It's five o'clock somewhere. :D

Hell it's 6:00 in NYC. Drunk dial Nathan.

neurondoc said...

But you left out someone. What about "I"?

And were you speaking English? Just checking...

John the Scientist said...

And were you speaking English? Just checking...

Just as much as you do when you talk about the third metacarpophalangeal joint instead of the "joint after the knuckle on the bird finger"

:p

Janiece Murphy said...

Natalie, normally I speak English, just not when I'm working.

Kind of like you. Hehe.

neurondoc said...

Just as much as you do when you talk about the third metacarpophalangeal joint instead of the "joint after the knuckle on the bird finger"

That actually would be the third proximal interphalangeal joint, if you mean the one after the knuckle (which is the metacarpophalangeal joint)... :-D

I had a funny "argument" with my six year-old not too long ago. We wer talking about the fingers, and I said that the thumb is considered a finger, that it is actually the first finger. Well, that didn't sit well with her, and she flat out refused to accept it.

Janiece -- I actually thinks it is funny when I hear TheHusband speaking IT-ese, because it is so incomprehensible to me. And I not infrequently accuse my statistician coworkers of speaking the equivalent of Swahili...

Poetry Sue said...

sooooo... talking to yourself again eh?

Janiece Murphy said...

Every day of my life. :-)

mom in northern said...

Myself: Don't remind me. But that's why they pay us the big bucks. With benefits!

Shouldn't that be reading "WITHOUT Benefits"?

given the current state of things....