Conversations with Karma - Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

Tuesday, December 9, 2008
*ring, ring*

Governor Rod Blagojevich: Hello?

Karma: Governor Rod Blagojevich, please. This is Karma calling.

RB: This is Governor Blagojevich, but I don't know any "Karma."

K: Clearly. But I think you're going to get to know me pretty well moving forward, Mr. "anti-corruption."

RB: I don't know what you're talking about. Listen, I'm a busy guy - I have Important Business to attend to. What do you want?

K: I want to talk to you about that "Important Business."

RB: You and everyone else. If you want to make me an offer, funnel it through my Chief of Staff, John Harris.

K: Make you an offer? Oh! You mean for the open Senate seat. I don't want to be a senator - I already have a job. And some days, like today, I just love it.

RB: Then why the hell are you calling me? I have to work on filling my coffers before that fucking ethics law takes effect. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?

K: Most people, actually. But I am going to "make you an offer." One I don't think you'll be able to refuse.

RB: Really? I'm always up for offers that can't be refused! Especially if they include additional goodies coming my way. Lay it on me, baby!

K: Don't call me baby. And you'll be happy to know that I'm offering this opportunity in cooperation with my new BFF's over at the FBI. Really, it's a new day. I never thought I'd work with those uptight suits.

RB: The FBI?

K: Yeah. Those guys were really on the ball with this one. Did you know that they've been wiretapping you?

::cue crickets::

K: Hello? Governor?

RB: Madelaine! Get my attorney on the phone!

K: I'm afraid your attorney isn't going to help you much on this one, Gov. That actually have you on tape wondering how much you can get for selling the Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Obama. Really, dude? That's not change we can believe in or change we need. Although, given the state of Illinois politics, I think blowing the place out with a high pressure fire hose might be in order.

RB: MADELAINE!

K: I think Madelaine is probably being deposed by the U.S. attorney right about now.

RB: Christ. How did this happen?

K: Do you really need me to answer that? I think we both know what happened. But you can take solace in the idea that the Chicago Tribune will probably be incredibly conscientious about covering this. Since you expressed such a detailed interest in their editorial staff, and all.

RB: What a nightmare.

K: No, it's Karma.

*ding-dong*

K: That's probably the FBI now, coming to arrest your corrupt, greedy self. Enjoy your publicity and your perp-walk, Governor. Have a nice day.


H/T to the Washington Post for the source material.

11 comments:

Nathan said...

I love how cheerful Karma is about the job.

Carol Elaine said...

Gah! Two Illinois governors in a row! This does not look good for my birth-state. What the hell is up with that?!

Grrr. Argh.

Konstantin said...

This actually is not that bad for us Illinois-ers. Hist Lt. Governor Pat Quinn is supposed to ba a good guy.

As far as corrupted Illinois officials... what else is new?

mattw said...

We're all having a bit of a WTF moment in the office today. Makes us proud to live in the Land of Lincoln!

Wendy said...

oh, goodie, Illinois is getting ethics reform. Good luck with that!

We've got that here in Georgia, instituted by the GOP gov, complete with gov appointed commission positions.

Can you say Republican Witch Hunt?

I knew you could!
WendyB_09

Eric said...

My favorite part of the whole story so far may be the fact that he threatened to appoint himself if he didn't get a good offer.

WTF? It comes off as kind of a self-deprecating blackmail. "Yeah, well if you don't back up in my driveway with a garbagetruck full of money, maybe I'll just appoint myself--see how you like me in the U.S. Senate, huh? Yeah. That's what I thought. I'll go open the garage door...."

Janiece Murphy said...

Eric, that gave me a case of the teehee's, too.

Jeri said...

Where in the world is Mike Royko when you need him? I'm sure he's writing a ghostly screed on this one.

Although karma's take on this is pretty awesome as well.

mom in northern said...

Wonder if Karma wants/needs any help?

The line would/could be pretty long.

Then there is the fact that the dude can still appoint someone to fill the seat...even from jail.

The Senate doesn't have to approve though...

Eric said...

Karmic punchline: turns out today is Blagojevich's birthday.

Do you think the feds who showed up on his doorstep yesterday brought cake? "Surrrrprrriiiise, Governor Blagojevich!"

Worst. Birthday present. Ever.

mattw said...

Y'all should check out this picture on the front of the Chicago Sun Times today.

Incredibly lucky shot or photoshop?