'Tard of the Week - Aquamantra Consumers

Monday, December 8, 2008
I swear I'm not making this up.

There is a product sold at Whole Foods called "Aquamantra." From their website:
Aquamantra: Premium Natural Spring Water is simply, water that resonates with the energy and frequency of your well-being. The quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your life and NOW your water. We deliver powerful messages to you through the mantras, I AM GRATEFUL™,I AM HEALTHY™, I AM LOVED™ or I AM LUCKY™ .
Evidently the power of quantum mechanics forces these feel-good messages into the very molecules of the water, resulting in intense feelings of gratitude, health, love or luck.

No, I'm not making this up. Quit asking. Follow the link.

What really kills me is that people buy it.

Even taking into account my low tolerance for the woo, who believes this shit? It has to be the biggest pile of steaming poo I've every heard. The mysteries of quantum mechanics infuses your water with all the benefits of The Secret? Really? Really? Clearly, these folks have more money than brains.

I think the message on the bottle should say I AM A 'TARD™.


H/T to the SGU.

21 comments:

Konstantin said...

AND GOSH DARN IT! PEOPLE LIKE ME!

I am so happy I got this one in first.

Nathan said...

'Tard of the year may be taken!

What a bunch of fucking morons.

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Do they stock it right next to the Kabbalah water?

mattw said...

My parents had a news article up on their fridge for a while about quantum mechanics and how your outlook could affect stuff. There were studies! With ice cubes!

I rolled my eyes then and I roll my eyes now. Sheesh.

Random Michelle K said...

Well, it's certainly better than what the tap water says to ME.

Eric said...

Aquamantra... he's the member of the Superfriends who says "OM, OM, OM" to fish, right? Yeah, Gleek could totally take him out.

Karl said...

Hey, Jenny McCarthy drinks it, must be good. yeesh...

Another way to take advantage of people - sad.

Jeri said...

There is a related product out there called a "flower essence" (and a quick google turned up "wild earth essence" and "gemstone essence" as well.

Our rainbow farting new age friends don't actually harm any flowers to make these products, they take their little vials of oil into the flower fields and harvest only the flower's vibrational energy, capturing that and selling it to the end consumer.

I have to wonder - what sort of bottle and sealing method is required to capture vibrational energy? Does glass and vacuum sealing work, or do you need a special vibrational barrier shrink wrap thingy to keep all those very special energies inside?

:D

mattw said...

Jeri, maybe the oils are infused with nano tuning forks to caputre the vibrational essences.

Jerry Critter said...

WOW! I've been drinking the wrong water. My water says "In one hour you will have to piss".

vince said...

And there's a "What BELIVERS Say" page (capitalization is theirs, not mine).

Could this be "a new religion that'll bring you to your knees?"

Or perhaps "I exploit you; still you love me, I tell you one and one makes three."

Sheesh.

Wendy said...

Um, vibrators for flower power? OH, wait, I see now, vibrating essence of flower power.

Even for the x-hippies amoungst us that's going just a bit too far. Just goes to show the new-agers are out for the almighty buck just like everyone else!!

As PT Barnum said - There's a sucker born every minute!! This way to the egress, no pushing, plenty of room for all when you get there...Come see the 'Tard Of The Year!!

OH, wait, it's YOU!!

WendyB_09

Jim Wright said...

I prefer the glowing blue radium infused water.

Random Michelle K said...

vibrational energy

Jeri, it requires D batteries.

Janiece Murphy said...

Kabbalah water!

vibrational energy!

Nano tuning forks!

vibrators for flower power!


::snort::

You guys kill me!

Tania said...

Fool, money, parted.

Quantum mechanics. Like the t-shirt says, it's something I'm uncertain about.

Anne C. said...

The sad thing is even if it is true, there are two things wrong with this scheme:
a) you can do it yourself with your tap water and
b) they didn't take into account all the vibrational fields the water came through on it's way to the shelf. One pissed off stocker and the whole batch is ruined.

But then they wouldn't make any money and then their "I am profitable" water wouldn't work.
:(

'Tard no matter WHAT one believes/disbelieves.

MWT said...

What Anne said.

Although, if it actually worked as advertised: hmmm, brainwash water. Hmmmmmmmmm.

Random Michelle K said...

I've got it!

BRAINY WATER!

Guaranteed to have (many times recycled urine) molecules from Einstein, Galileo, Aristotle and/or Marie Curie!

Eric said...

Sorry, Michelle: Mme. Curie's recycled urine is already used up by Jim's radium-infused water.

Steve Buchheit said...

Wait a sec, how the hell did they get a hold of the frequency of my well-being. It's specifically an unlisted number. Damnit (grommet).

And I don't think those are trademarkable statements (or at the very least, wouldn't be defendable in court).