Let Them Eat Stale Cake

Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So today's the day that the "Big 3," Detroit's car makers, are due to deliver their detailed plans to Congress in an attempt to receive $25 million in bail-out funds.

Two weeks ago, these pinheads arrived in DC on their private jets to boohoo about how tough it is to maintain profitability in today's economy. Additionally, Ford CEO Alan Mulally indicated that in light of the current economic climate, he thought his $22 million compensation package was just dandy, thank you very much.

So these spoiled little brats want my money? To reward their own incompetence? Yeah, right.

Hey, Big 3 CEO's! Yeah, you!

First of all, I want to say just how incredibly arrogant you motherfuckers are. You run your company into the ground, then pop in on Washington in your private jets to ask for additional monies to meet your obligations. Money that will be provided by me.

I've got news for you asshats - you suck. If you were doing your jobs competently, you wouldn't be in this position to begin with. You have completely poked the pooch on this, and now you want me to bail your sorry ass out? Well, guess what? There's a major difference between you and me, aside from the fact that you make hundreds of times more money than me. I'm good at my job. The deliverables I produce are typically of high quality and provided in a timely manner. Account teams request me when they need work done, because I'm competent. As a result, I'm fairly compensated for my work. That's how it works, you fuckwit - you perform a job, you get paid. If you do a good job, you get paid well. If you suck, you should get a boot in your squishy ass. Guess which category you fall into? Here's a hint - needing the government to pay your bills when you're a privately owned company is not an indicator of overwhelming genius.

What's that you say? It's the Union's fault? Really? Really? I don't think I buy that, either. While I certainly have some issues with Unions, and I think they could be a hell of a lot more flexible when the company they work with implodes (see: Studebaker), they are not the sole torch-bearer on this particular cluster fuck. Steve over at Story Bones makes some good points on this issue - I suggest you go read it, you ill-informed fuckstick.

You want my money to "save" your company? The very first thing you need to do in order to prove you're serious about anything but lining your own pocket is to either resign, because you clearly can't be trusted with the assets of your company, or offer to work for free until your company is fixed based on your ideas and execution. A standard set by a man named Lee Iaccoca, in case you were wondering, who also not only promised to pay back his bail-out, but actually did so.

Your strategy reminds me of Homer Simpson looking to sell technology - "Can I have some money now?"

Christ on a crutch, entitled much?

Of course, the real losers here are the men and women who work in these money pits, whose financial future is tied to the vagaries of men who couldn't find their ass with both hands (but seem to have no trouble finding the keys to their private jets). Them I'm willing to help. The suits? Let them eat cake. Stale cake.

10 comments:

John the Scientist said...

Some Unions serve a purpose. At some points in their lifecycle. The UAW is past that point.

However, management of GM should have been engaging the Unions long before now - that's the downside of the help given to Iacocca - the later managers expected lightning to strike twice if they needed a recharge, and when it didn't they started demanding it.

Allowing the Big 3 to consolidate into the Big 2 would probably not be such a bad idea.

Steve Buchheit said...

Thanks for the shout out Janiece. And yeah, along with the bank bail-outs I say if you want the government money, all "golden-parachutes" for senior manager and above are revoked (permanently), top executive pay is determined at 40x the lowest paid position (from minimum wage that would be over half a million), no bonus, and if a senior executive left in the past year with a GP that would disqualify the company.

But hey, I believe the Ford CEO is going to arrive this time after driving to the capital (no word if he drove the whole way). He's coming in a hybrid. What, they couldn't have car-pooled? (Yeah, I'm a bastard when it comes to this).

Karl said...

--sarcasm--
I am changing my name to Chrysler...
--//sarcasm--

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Hey CEO's -
You fucking fuckers.
You poo-poohed the hybrid car and made all efforts to NOT develop alternative energy cars - until you saw how WELL the hybrid cars were selling. Then you jumped on the bandwagon to produce, without making any efforts to improve the technology or creatte new.
The US should be on 16th generation hybrids now, NOT "just new for '08" shit.
Oh, and a hybrid Escalade? Who is the rocket scientist behind that? No, reward him because people will buy it thinking that they are getting some kind of "green" car and you certainly have pulled the wool over their eyes.
Really? You want money?
Fuck you, you fucking oxygen thieves.
/rant.

Janiece Murphy said...

I guess I'm not the only one who's wrapped around the axle by these fuckwits.

I think what gets me is the absolute gall of these people. How do they live with themselves?

Karl said...

That's the comment I started with, actually - then blogger ate it :(

It went something like:
...be overly compensated for screwing up a job and then having the sand to write themselves a check when they leave - that's just criminal...

Hey, gummint! I can't balance my checkbook 'cause I'm a greedy tunnel-visionary - gimme a handout, huh? I may or may not pay it back. What? You helped all those banks, they're just businesses, too!

Yup, I'm disgusted.

Aren't we negatively reinforcing the evolution of business? Shouldn't we let them go extinct if they fuck up this bad?

Oxygen thieves - ::snoopy dance:: hihihihihihi

John the Scientist said...

"Aren't we negatively reinforcing the evolution of business? Shouldn't we let them go extinct if they fuck up this bad?"

Then you get Michigan, Indiana and Ohio's argument: you can't let us lose that many jobs OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!!

To a degree, they are right. I lived in a town that lost that many per capita and more - Pittsburgh. It HURT that town to lose those jobs.

But Pittsburgh re-invented itself, and it now is not a one-industry town with all the attendant dangers. And what steel industry is left is beating the pants off the Japanese in the mini-mill fast turn around special order business. That is business evolution in action.

The longer the Upper Midwest puts this off, the worse will be the pain once the bill comes due, and the bill will come due.

MWT said...

Heh, I wish we voters got a vote on whether to bail out any particular corporate fat cat. We had a runoff election over here today for U.S. Senator, they could've stuck that on the ballot. :p

Tania said...

Hey, Janiece. How about you don't hold back the next time? ;)

This fiasco makes me rant too. But, I need to stay calm for this afternoon.

Wendy said...

I'm sure unions served a purpose in their heyday, but that time is long past and they need to get a clue as to what's going on in the real world.

My take on the "Management" of the Big 3 AND their union counterparts is they're all crooks, should be treated accordingly and put under the jail for what they've done to their companies, shareholders and most importantly, their employees.

WendyB_09