'Tard of the Week - Keiffe & Sons Ford

Monday, May 26, 2008
Today I bring you a new feature - "'Tard of the Week."

And in honor of Memorial Day and all the men and women who have served, fought and died to protect our First Amendment rights, I'm naming Keiffe & Sons Ford the 'Tard of the Week."

Here's a transcript of a recent radio ad purchased by these ignoramus':

"Did you know that there are people in this country who want prayer out of schools, “Under God” out of the Pledge, and “In God We Trust” to be taken off our money?

"But did you know that 86% of Americans say they believe in God? Since we all know that 86 out of every 100 of us are Christians, who believe in God, we at Keiffe & Sons Ford wonder why we don’t tell the other 14% to sit down and shut up. I guess I just offended 14% of the people who are listening to this message. Well, if that is the case then I say that’s tough, this is America folks, it’s called free speech. None of us at Keiffe & Sons Ford is afraid to speak out. Keiffe & Sons Ford on Sierra Highway in Mojave and Rosamond, if we don’t see you today, by the grace of God, we’ll be here tomorrow.”


Kind of puts you in mind of Jim Crow, does it not?

The most retarded aspect of this, however, is the glaring hypocrisy of telling 14% of American citizens to "sit down and shut up" about their non-Christian religious belief (i.e., stop exercising their First Amendment rights), immediately followed by defending the Keiffe's bigotry by using the First Amendment.

Yeah.

I wonder if anyone with an IQ higher than a Brussels Sprout proofread this copy before they decided to put it on the air? Seriously. How do you miss a logical fallacy the size of the Mojave?

Well, guess what, Kieffe & Sons? I defended your right to free speech for 17 years, in uniform, and it seems glaringly obvious that you've never even read the Constitution, let alone made any effort to defend it. Your complete ignorance of the purpose of the First Amendment (to keep asshole bigots like yourself from persecuting the religious minority) leaves you profoundly unqualified to address it. Not that I expect you to stop spouting your bigotry veiled in pseudo-patriotism. As you note, it's your right.

But I'll exercise my own First Amendment right by making you my inaugural 'Tard of the Week, in honor of my brothers and sisters in arms, who swear to defend the Constitution with their lives. The Constitution you clearly think applies only to the majority and not to all citizens.

Epic fail, you 'Tard. Fuck off.

The gallery may now commence pointing and laughing.


Tip 'o the Navy Cover to Splendid Elles.

16 comments:

David Klecha said...

More to the point, they're dumb enough to equate people answering that they believe in God to also being Christian. And they step in it further by assuming that those of us who do self-identify as Christian are also keen for the 14% to "sit down and shut up."

Morons.

Nathan said...

Hey Kids,

Their website has one of those handy "Contact Us" buttons.

I recommend a Free-Speechathon all over their asses.

Nathan said...

So, taking my own advice, I sent them this little email:

OK, so let me get this straight. Everyone who self-identifies as believing in God must believe in your Christian God. Do I have that right? Apparently there are no Jews, Muslims Sikhs, Hindus or any other denominations in America. I think you may have to tell a lot more than 14% of us to "sit down and shut up".

Sincerely,

Nathan Gendzier
(Who you can just ignore since he's just some damned NY Jewboy.)

Janiece Murphy said...

Nathan, I knew I could count on you to be the NY Jewboy that you are. Hee!

And David, I would never think the majority of Theists (and certainly not those that hang around here) would share these asshats' opinion. Their incredible presumption is part of what makes them such epic 'tards.

As you point out.

Eric said...

Like everyone else, apparently, I was mostly amused by the dealership's "fuzzy math" whereby believing in God makes you a Christian.

And people wonder why we atheists get our underwear knotted up.

Speaking of which, did any of you happen to hear the NPR piece on McCain's age in which a pollster noted that, generally speaking, race and gender don't seem to have the negative effect on how people see a candidate that age, inexperience, or lack of faith in god does? People just do not want us atheists/agnostics in office, it seems. Apparently they're concerned we'll wreck up the place--unlike those awesomtacular God-fearing candidates like the assclowns who've triggered a recession, run up fuel prices, endangered the environment, and overextended the military in two theaters.

Janiece Murphy said...

Eric, I hadn't heard the piece your referring to (although I'm behind on my podcasts), but I knew the majority of Americans were extremely unlikely to elect someone who had no faith.

I guess agnostics/atheists are the ultimate "other."

Eric said...

The transcript version can be found here:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90747799

I forgot that Muslims also made the shit list of unelectables. Old people, young people, Muslims and unbelievers of the world unite!

Janiece Murphy said...

Eric, I've always considered myself pretty damn privileged.

Maybe I should reconsider that.

Hee!

Nathan said...

I've been waiting for a response from them. How rude to leave me hanging.

Michelle K said...

Nathan,

All things considered, perhaps "leave me hanging" is a phrase you might not want to mention to them.

Janiece Murphy said...

Hehe. Michelle made a funny!

Eric said...

Punch line to the story, per Boing Boing:

But today, Rick Kieffe, owner of Kieffe and Sons Ford in Mojave and Rosamond, publicly apologized for the ad, saying that a) he doesn't actually attend church, and b) he didn't approve the ad.

Backpedal Rick, backpedal! If you push those little pedals hard enough, you can ride all the way backwards to when everybody was a cowboy! Or maybe even to the dinosaurs!

(Link to "Sit-down-and-shut-up 'Christian' Ford dealership is run by a non-church attendee who is sorry about the ad" entry at Boing Boing.

Eric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janiece Murphy said...

Eric, thanks for the update. This guy is reaching "Legendary 'Tard" status.

What a tool.

Eric said...

Update to the update, Janeice! Kieffe has just acquired enough experience points to level up to Legendary 'Tard according to the latest update in Boing Boing:

“I don’t regret the sentiment at all,” said Kieffe, who bought the 48-year-old dealership from his father in 1974. “It’s what we believe.”

...

Kieffe said he’d been contacted by Ford Motor Co. after the manufacturer heard complaints from numerous “blog-lo-dites.”


Wow, Rick, you actually managed to backpedal to where you started! That's awesome! So your first apology was a lie, then... gee, Rick, I was under the impression the Bible said lying was naughty, but I admit I haven't read it in a very long time. Was there a supplement or revised edition I missed...?

Hey, Janeice: maybe Rick Kieffe saw you post and decided "'Tard Of The Week" was underachieving. He thinks big, he's a mover and shaker. "'Tard Of The Year," now that's something to aim for....

Janiece Murphy said...

Thanks, Eric. I'll keep him fully in mind when I decide on the "'Tard of the Year" in January. Jeez.