End of the World Tomorrow

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

In case you missed the big announcement, the end of the world will occur tomorrow, according to self-proclaimed prophet Yisrayl "Buffalo Bill" Hawkins.

That's only because it didn't end on September 12, 2006, the last time ole Buffalo Bill predicted the End Times.

Evidently, if your last name is "Hawkins," you'll be saved, at least that's the final word from on High, according to...Hawkins.

So gel up your baby's hair and prepare for the final conflag, folks. Remember, you've been warned.

46 comments:

Eric said...

And I feel fine.

(But it's time I had some time alone.)

LEONARD BERNSTEIN!!!

* * *

(Someone was going to do it, I'm just happy that I seem to be first.)

Janiece Murphy said...

Hee!

I'm glad it was you, too, since you're the resident classic rock guru.

Jim Wright said...

Uh, tomorrow's not good for me.

Oh, wait a minute - End Times, isn't that when all the obnoxious religious wankers get called up to heaven? And all the rest of us get "Left Behind?" Yeah, ok, that works for me. Maybe it'll reduce traffic on the highway and get some of the idiots out of the aisles at Wal-Mart.

Michelle K said...

That means traffic will be light when I head into DC for my cousin's graduation, right?

Awesome.

Nathan said...

I call shotgun! Dibs on shotgun! (And does this mean I don't have to bother with filing a permit for Monday?)

Janiece Murphy said...

I'm so glad our community is preparing for this inevitable event.

I'd hate to be the only survivor.

Eric said...

And that's when Eric realized that 1985 was soooo 23 years ago and, yes, now counted as "classic rock."

Does this mean I have to get a belt with a bigass buckle and a polyester shirt that I wear open to my navel?

Janiece Murphy said...

Eric, I think I speak for everyone when I say, Please Don't.

Carol Elaine said...

Jim, I wish it would reduce the traffic in my neck of the woods, but I live in L.A., traffic capital of the U.S. - at least the western part of it. About 90% of us are godless heathens destroying the moral fabric of 'Murrica with our entertainment and whatnot.

We're all getting Left Behind. Even the freaking $cientologists.

*sigh*

Nathan said...

Traffic? I thought there were gonna be horsemen!

Where's my fucking copy of the memo?

Michelle K said...

Eric, if you do, we will find out where you live, come photograph you, and post those pictures all over the internet.

Maybe on actual walls as well.

Michelle K said...

I think the horsemen are Catholic mythology, not Fundamentalist mythology.

mom in northern said...

I want the popcorn concession !!!

Anne C. said...

You guys are silly. I'm glad I'll be staying too. :)

Nathan said...

I heard something about writhing. Will there be writhing.

::channeling Teri Garr::

Writhe, Writhe, Writhe in the hay.

(I crack me up)

Michelle K said...

(blink)

Who is Teri Garr?

Janiece Murphy said...

Teri Garr is an actress (see "Tootsie"), but I thought writhing hay was an Everquest thing.

I guess I'm blinking, too.

Jeri said...

Y'all would be a fine bunch to have a left behind popcorn party and bonfire beer and shotgun bash with.

I mean really - singing hymns in the air with the sanctimonious, or drinking and singing classic rock with really fun people? Not a tough choice.

Nathan said...

I'm disappointed in you guys.

Igor and Inga (Teri Garr) pick up Dr. Frankenstein at the train station when he arrives in Transylvannia. Inga sings fetchingly while offering the Dr. a "roll in the hay".

vince said...

If you're gonna get left behind, it behooves you to understand both classic rock and classic movies, and they don't come much more classic than Young Frankenstein.

There have been thousands of predictions of when the world will end, and so far, they've all been wrong. Mother Shipton, a 16th century mystic predicted "...The world to an end shall come; in eighteen hundred and eighty-one." the Watchtower Society (WTS) or its members predicted the end of the world in 1914, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975 and 1994 top my knowledge, and maybe even other times. Astronomers John Gribben & Setphen Plagemann predicted the "Jupiter Effect" in 1974. They wrote that when various planets were aligned on the same side of the sun, tidal forces would create solar flares, radio interruptions, rainfall and temperature disturbances and massive earthquakes would happen - essentially the end of the world. The alignment occurred in 1982. Nothing unusual happened. After a lengthy calculation based on the Bible, a British group, The Lord's Witnesses, has concluded that the start of Armageddon will happen on March 21, of this year. And so on and so on and so on.

Hmmm. Wouldn't all these prophecy failures be a clue? And if you're a Christian (yes, I know you all are mostly heathens, but come on, play along with me) and take the Bible seriously, then you know that no one knows when the world will end.

In the mean time, I'll bring some great music and movies to share.

Janiece Murphy said...

Vince, we're not all heathens. Actually, I think the spread of the folks who regularly comment around here is about 50:50 between believers and heathens.

But your point is well-taken - rock and roll, classic movies, and popcorn.

Yay!

Steve Buchheit said...

Nathan, I was laughing. That's one of my favorite movies.

And no, if you'll excuse me, as Christopher Titus would say, "Hey, nobody's watching the Lexus dealership."

Janiece Murphy said...

Yeah, TITUS! "Don't be a wussy!"

The End of the World is not for the Faint of Heart.

Jim Wright said...

Victor, "Wolf? Werewolf?"

Igor, "There, there wolf."

Victor, "Why are you talking like that?"

Igor, "I thought that's what we were doing..."

God, I love Young Frankenstein. Let's all get together and watch that after the rest of the asshats called called up to heaven. Say, when exactly is that supposed to happen anyway? It's like noon already in the central US, and they'll still here. WTF?

vince said...

Vince, we're not all heathens.

I know. I made a funny. Apparently it wasn't that funny.

Jim - Frau Blucher!

::horses now neighing just outside the blog::

Janiece Murphy said...

*Neigh*

Carol Elaine said...

"Put. The candle. Back."

"He vas my BOYFRIEND!"

*singing* "Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!"

Nathan, I got it in one. Because I loves me some Young Frankenstein.

Steve Buchheit, bless you for quote Titus. Hee!

Actually, the world will end in 2012, because that's when the Mayan calendar ends. And when that happens, kegger at my place! Woo!

Cindi in CO said...

"You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the turban."

"Wasn't your hump on the other side?"
"What hump"?

"Abby. Abby Normal."

Ask Janiece. I love this frikken movie.

Janiece Murphy said...

Oh, she does. She does.

And my favorite line was "Abby. Abby Normal."

Janiece Murphy said...

And just to be clear, it should be known that Cindi called me "Abby Normal" for a frikken' year after this movie came out.

She was not a nice older sister.

Cindi in CO said...

Oh, and I suppose you weren't an annoying little pill, were you?

Janiece Murphy said...

Cindi, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Cindi in CO said...

I'm sure.

Janiece Murphy said...

What?

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Terri Garr -
"Rrrroll, rrroolll, ROLL in ze hay!"
Sorry, it was ROLL.
That is all.
I am still here and it seems like everyother asshole is out and driving around, so the Rapture didn't come today.
But does it count that my internet was out at work yesterday so I didn't get teh memo?

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Oh shitm, since you all apparently MEMORIZED teh fuckin' movie, I now have to re-watch and make sure it was roll.
I was so sure.

Janiece Murphy said...

Amy, you're still ahead of me...I didn't even recognize the quote...

::hangs head in shame::

Cindi in CO said...

Amy, trust me, it was "Roll in the Hay."

Nathan is just having some fun.

Carol Elaine said...

I am at an impasse.

As an older sister, I feel moved to defend Cindi in CO. Because it is our higher calling, as older siblings, to torment those who are younger than us (just ask my older brother - I have a brother and two sisters younger than me).

And yet. This is Janiece's home. I like Janiece and her home, for Janiece is a gracious and intelligent hostess and this place gives me mucho entertainment. Also, I must be polite, for older siblings should also show the way, when not in the process of tormenting.

Hmmm. 'Tis a dilemma.

Janiece Murphy said...

Carol Elaine, take heart.

'Tis a documented fact that both Cindi and I were awful, awful children, who drove our mother to fits with our constant bickering.

There is no "winner" here.

Steve Buchheit said...

"...to make sure he'z not following in hiz gandfather's footstepz."

"WHAT?!"

"Footstepz, footstepz, following in hiz grandfather's footstepz."

"OH!"

Yeah, don't know that film at all either.

"A riot(t!) is an ugly thing once it(t!) gets started. And I tink it's about time we had one!"

Cindi in CO said...

"And yet. This is Janiece's home."

Carol Elaine, this is why I let her have the last word. :D

And she is correct. We were awful, awful children.

John the Scientist said...

"'Tis a documented fact that both Cindi and I were awful, awful children, who drove our mother to fits with our constant bickering."

This cheers me up more than you know. Seeing what friends you are now.

I tell my kids that when I'm sleeping in the dirt, all they will have to help them remember how it was is each other. Then I pick them both up at the same time.

I can still do that.

vince said...

Cindi, I am the oldest of 8 children. I feel your pain.

Eric said...

If someone can make sure we have power, we can do Young Frankenstein as a double feature with Blazing Saddles at my place. Or maybe if Jim has more room we can head to the other coast and hang out in Alaska. Or wherever.

Or maybe not. If the Rapture is for goodly folks, we may not notice anybody missing....

And thanks for telling me I don't have to wear that shirt. I was really, really, really, really dreading the prospect. On a more serious note, "Please Don't Go" from Violent Femmes' eponymous first album came up on my shuffle play when I was driving to work this morning and all I could keep thinking was 1981... 1981... 1981. Dammit!

Nathan said...

Holy Crap!

How did I miss the rest of this?

Stupid work!

(I know the real quote is ROLL. Withing seemed more appropriate to the rapture.)