You Fail

Friday, June 13, 2008

Astonishingly enough, it appears that the world did not end yesterday as predicted by self-proclaimed prophet Yisrayl "Buffalo Bill" Hawkins.

Shocking. Simply shocking.

And I can't believe the sinful blogospher, persecuting these righteous people for their beliefs. Shame on us, shame. We suck.

11 comments:

Eric said...

Are you sure? Maybe this is Hell. Or some kind of post-Rapture delusion. Or Jesus took the one guy God could stand on up to Heaven, maybe allowing him to invite his wife (going by the Old Testament, the big G. allegedly has this habit of looking at the entire human race and picking one dude, a la Lot or Noah, as being the only good thing our species has to offer).

I haven't stopped being a smug atheist, mind you, but the SF/Fantasy geek in me can't help pondering the unlikely possibles and making up little stories to go with them....

And yes, I still feel fine. Lester Bangs, Lenny Bruce, and Leonid Brezhnev, however, not so much these days.

vince said...

And yes, I still feel fine. Lester Bangs, Lenny Bruce, and Leonid Brezhnev, however, not so much these days.

Beethoven's gone, but his music lives on,
And Mozart don't go shopping no more.
You'll never meet Liszt or Brahms again,
And Elgar doesn't answer the door.
Schubert and Chopin used to chuckle and laugh,
Whilst composing a long symphony,
But one hundred and fifty years later,
There's very little of them left to see.

They're decomposing composers.
There's nothing much anyone can do.
You can still hear Beethoven,
But Beethoven cannot hear you.

Handel and Haydn and Rachmaninov
Enjoyed a nice drink with their meal,
But nowadays, no one will serve them,
And their gravy is left to congeal.

Verdi and Wagner delighted the crowds
With their highly original sound.
The pianos they played are still working,
But they're both six feet underground.

They're decomposing composers.
There's less of them every year.
You can say what you like to Debussy,
But there's not much of him left to hear.

Claude Achille Debussy-- Died, 1918.

Christophe Willebald Gluck-- Died, 1787.

Carl Maria von Weber-- Not at all well, 1825. Died, 1826.

Giacomo Meyerbeer-- Still alive, 1863. Not still alive, 1864.

Modeste Mussorgsky-- 1880, going to parties. No fun anymore, 1881.

Johan Nepomuk Hummel-- Chatting away nineteen to the dozen with his mates down the pub every evening, 1836. 1837, nothing.

vince said...

And the "prophet" decided that all current translations of the Bible were bad and did his own translation. And, apparently, this is not the first time he's been wrong about the end of the world.

"Yahweh Inspired His Prophets and Apostles to prophesy of a nuclear baby. It was prophesied to be conceived September 12, 2006. Nine months later (the gestation period) would be June 12, 2007, the time of birth, which would kill a third part of man over a fourth part of the earth in and around the great River Euphrates. September 12, 2006 is the date given in Prophecy; June 12, 2007 was the assumption that the Prophecy showing pains as a woman with child would take nine months."

Of course, when it failed, he had this to say:

"As the events unfolded my assumption was right, but another Prophecy came into the picture that I will cover later."

Janiece Murphy said...

Yeah, and I'm sure his wife is Morgan Fairchild, whom he's seen naked...

Jim Wright said...

Sorry, Janiece, you're wrong.

That world did indeed end yesterday. The Rapture occurred exactly as the sun reached zenith over Jerusalem.

Jesus appeared on top of Golgotha, looked around, shook his head, and said, "Ah, hmmmm. Holy Moly, how in the Hell did you fuck up what I said so badly? I'm not bringing any of you people back with me. Screw it, cancel the Rapture. I'm going fishing."

We're all Left Behind.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and strangely I feel fine.

Eric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric said...

Brilliant, Vince--and extra props for referencing a Python bit I'd forgotten! (That hardly happens--don't tell the Geek Registry Board, I don't want to lose my license.)

Janiece Murphy said...

Jim, I do, too.

For someone who's Abby Normal.

Carol Elaine said...

Abby Normal, er, I mean, Janiece, can we still have the "Young Frankenstein" viewing?

Janiece Murphy said...

Carol Elaine, it's always a good time for a "Young Frankenstein" viewing.

Carol Elaine said...

"Young Frankenstein" viewing - yea!

Vince, I cannot believe that I don't know that song! Oh noes! But in my head I'm hearing it sung to the tune of "Bruce's Philosophers Song."