Things That Irk Janiece, Volume 1

Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I stole this from Kate, who was evidently having a really bad day. So while I'm spreading the love, make sure you circle back to Kate and tell her it's all her fault. Because we don't believe in personal responsibility around here, no sirree.

Professional Irks:

1. If you are a sales person and I have done engineering work for you, sending me seven e:mails in one morning asking for various clarifications and changes to your design will not ensure you make it to the top of my "to do" list in record time. In fact, I'm much more likely to move you to the bottom, because you're apparently incapable of putting together one, coherent message after you have reviewed my work product completely. Incoherent asshats get moved to the bottom of the "to do" list. On a rotating basis, if they're bitchy. And you are.

2. I have duty 3 to 6 hours a week. This consists of me answering technical support questions on our company's products via phone and e:mail. When I am assigned duty, taking those calls and answering those e:mails are my primary responsibility. Taking calls and e:mails from sales people who don't review my deliverables and then ask questions that have already been answered...in the deliverables...are not high on my list of things to do. Learn how to read, dickwad, and then do me the courtesy of actually reading what I prepare at your request.

3. If you want me to leave my comfortable Virtual Office to teach a class on our applications to a bunch of no-skill fucknuts, don't try and pull the old "bait and switch." It you tell me you need me to teach for three half-days, and I say "yes," and then you come back with a schedule that requires teaching for three full days, do not be surprised when I smack you in the face with a shovel.

4. There are people in this world that are smarter than you. Do not expect them to "dumb down" for you, so that you don't look like a complete 'tard compared to them. It's your job to raise yourself to their level - it's not their job to lower themselves to yours. We all need something to aspire to.

5. Dressing like a big Ho at a professional event is inappropriate. You can make selections for your professional wardrobe that are attractive without looking like you're taking your fashion tips from Bai Ling. And if you want to dress like a big Ho during your personal time, no one's stopping you.

Personal Irks:

1. I have a "no soliciting" sign on my front door. Unless you live in my neighborhood and are under the age of 12, you are not exempt. If you ring my door bell anyway, do not be surprised if I am rude to you. And yes, coming to tell me the "Good News" is still soliciting. Self-righteous bastard.

2. Thinking you are special because you have a lot (or no) money, because your parents are rich (or poor), or because of any other characteristic you had no control over is offensive. You are not entitled because you blessed the world with your presence by being born. You may be special for other reasons, reasons that directly reflect on your own effort and character, but really, get over yourself. Seriously.

3. Attention politicians: You're not fooling anyone with your transparent ploys to get into office. Save the money you would have spent on political ads and hire some really smart people to figure out how to fix some of the problems around here. Because I'm blowing right by your ads (DVR, I love you), and if anything, it makes me less inclined to vote for your sorry ass.

4. Men, don't dye your hair. It's almost as unattractive as a toupee. Yes, yes, I realize that makes me a big, fat hypocrite. I'm okay with that. I just don't think a man who spends as much time on their personal grooming as I do is all that attractive. Sue me.

5. Between us, my Smart Man and I have most of the technical skills we need to maintain our own electronics. Part of this is due to skills learned on the job, but more is due to personal interest. The fact that we know 802.11 networking and PC's does not mean you get to use us as your personal tech support line. We help our family members because we want to, but acquaintances need to call Geek Squad and pay up. Or crack the books. Unless you're willing to come clean our house or mow our lawn while we work on your network and PC's. Then we'll consider it.

That is all.

3 comments:

vince said...

I saw this on Kate's blog as well, and I intend to spread the love tomorrow. My problem is to narrow it down.

Yeah, I "issues." And this is gonna be fun.

The Mechanicky Gal said...

Shit! All I had to do was some yard work for you and you will do PC work for me! Sa-WEEEEET! I'll be RIGHT OVER!
(lugging my tons of books on plants and cliamtes and whatnot)
Oh, and when the backhoe shows up, you just tell them to talk to me.
I HAVE A PLAN!!!!!!

Jeri said...

I like that perspective on pc work for yard work too. My mom has a tractor - and endless PC troubles. (Something to do with the 256 Mb of RAM I think)

I added to the Internet Irkness today. :)